What's Holding You Back?- March to your own beat .. its the last week

As soon as I saw the link on Laney's last "March to your own beat" post at Crash Test Mummy, asking us to complete the "whats holding you back quiz", I was straight over at the Oprah website answering away...

No one can deny I am a doer!! This I know I am ... and was I surprised with the end result.... nope, not one little, tiny bit... I could have said read out the answer that before I did it .. but I was scared I'd get it wrong... so can you guess what i got ??? Surprise Surprise I got  Fear of Failure....

This was summed up "You are terrified of stepping outside your comfort zone. And you're not alone—I find that this is the most common fear. My clients who struggle with it are often perfectionists who tend to take failure personally. When they don't succeed, they say, "I'm a failure," rather than "I failed." So it's understandable that new ventures can seem frightening. The most important thing you can do for yourself is work on building self-efficacy—the belief that you can actually accomplish what you want to do. Start by setting and achieving small goals. For example, if you want to be a massage therapist, sign up for an adult education course in shiatsu. If you want to be a florist, reach out to one; invite her for coffee and ask her how she got started. As you succeed at these smaller challenges, bigger goals will seem less daunting, and eventually you will develop the confidence to take the leap you've been dreaming about."

 Now I agree with quite a lot of this.. but I do believe I allow myself from time to time to step a couple of feet outside my comfort zone.. I know I don't stray too far from the edge .. but I do like to push myself just a tad ...

To delve a bit more into what is holding me back  and what makes me tick I got out the results of the birkman assessment I did last year as part of my redundancy.. It really gives a bit more of  an insight into how the good, bad and ugly of Java Jane .. and has been one of the most useful things I have had done... Parts of its strength is it doesnt just review the outer visible behaviour but it delves deeper into the drivers and motivators - my needs.. as well as looking at the stressors  -when our needs are not being met.. 

My usual style is 
- insightful 
- optimistic
- thoughtful
- selectively sociable (not sure what this means but I'm guessing this is where my shyness arises!)
- reflective

My personal  needs
- I need individual support
- I need to be able to encourage expression of feelings
- I need  time for reflection ( don't hurry me when I'm choosing a place for dinner!)
- I like to give time for difficult decisions


My stress behaviour (when my needs are not being met!)
- ignore social convention
- become indecisive 
- find it hard to act
- see the worst possibilities
- display anti social behaviour
- become overly sensitive to criticism 
-disorganised 
-self protective 
-evasive (ouch!)

I have a sensitive and respectful approach in one on one relationships, I have an ability to recognise other peoples needs, but this comes from my own awareness of my own feelings.  I need a combination of frankness and sensitivity from others.

It is important that they are neither too blunt nor overly concerned about my feelings.  

 I have a great desire to please others. I have a strong need for approval and acceptance within groups . I love group activities and this is  shown in my broad circle of friends and social network.  When these needs are not being met and the support of friends is lacking I can respond adversely by striving too hard to please or can end up with serious social anxiety, and avoidance of close personal relationships.. 

More than most people I tend to focus on my personal shortcomings rather than my strengths (true!) As a result, I take great pride in my accomplishments and respond well to difficult or demanding tasks. I can be driven, strong willed and have high expectations.  On the flip side I am inclined to blame myself if something fails, become too self critical and feel inadequate! 

I could go on and on and and  on.. It is very detailed report... (definitely worth doing if you get a chance!)  and when I was being taken through it , it wasn't the positives that I seemed to focused on (what a surprise!)... it was the stresses that hit a nerve.. they were the things that made me emotional... not because I didn't like hearing them... but because they were so true... they were me in a stressful situations... me in demanding situations... me in situations I didn't want to be in!

So I know how I should be feeling, I know the kind of person  I can be if I am doing whats best for me... Even though I dont think  I know the  direction I am heading in.. I am ready to go on an adventure... (That is the Sagittarius in me!) 


 I just need to back myself.. and believe believe believe.. I do know if I put my mind to it I CAN achieve anything! And from the wise words of my favourite singer.. "You gotta have Faith!" 

Until next time, Life is too short for crappy coffee

Looking forward to meeting loads of wonderful, amazing, gorgeous  bloggers tonight at the DP2012 Pre conference drinks... I'm nervous as hell.. but I cant wait!!!

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