Well Hello There ....

When I was 18, I was incredibly shy.  Well to put it more correctly my shyness mainly revolved around my communication skills with  the opposite sex.

Actually I was always really shy. I  had never really had a boyfriend of more than a few weeks during  high school.  I  favoured building strong female friendships over having to deal with boy germs.

I thought boys were rather silly, somewhat scary and rather intimidating. Of course I had high school crushes  (who doesn't?) but never anything other than that. 

When I moved to Melbourne for university, it was blatantly obvious to all of my new friends, that I was lacking in confidence  when it came to speaking to guys.

In fact I could hardly string a couple of words together. Maybe a "hello" and if the poor guy was lucky, I would add a "how are you". I would get all tongue tied and then just end up standing in uncomfortable silence, before he walked away, never to be seen again.  Humiliating!!!! 

Oh and eye contact, what eye contact. I preferred to just look at my shoes. 

My very well meaning friends wanted to change all of this, they could see this may become an issue down the track when trying to find my prince charming.

So I suppose as part of my university orientation, for the first few months of they would lend me their boyfriends to practice small talk on.
I was to at least try and maintain eye contact and have a conversation.  Looking back now, it was probably rather embarrassing for both me and the boyfriends. In fact, it must have been and I am guessing I would have had a few drinks under my belt to actually have done this,  but it did work! 

Once I progressed from the boyfriends, my wing women, would encourage me to go up to just about anyone and start conversations! 

After a while they took my training wheels off when I felt competent and confident enough to make that awkward small talk on my own, unguided, unsupervised.

In fact I became quite good at it actually, I wouldn't go as far as saying it was easy,  but I got my  game down pat. It worked well enough to finally find a decent guy, settle down, move in together and have a gorgeous baby. 

Now that I am back to being single again,  I feel as though I am back to where I was when I was 18, needing  some of those lessons in small talk all over again!

I know my skills must be better, I don't shudder at the thought of speaking to guys,  but I do feel myself retreating and taking on some of those shy tendencies, that I worked so hard trying to change. 

Looking away when eyes are met.  Shutting down my body language, when I know I should be staying more open and receptive.

More than anything I want to available to  new things and new relationships, I just need a little bit of that coaching again.
Of course I am petrified of being hurt,  but I have realised, who isn't? Life really is too short to be worried about that.

I know I have nothing to lose, and I would hate to see potential relationships slip through my fingers because I was too timid to say more than hello. 

Any tips or tricks on how to talk to the opposite sex?   What worked for you? Any advice is good advice!  I'm all ears!! 

How my life is like Bridget Jones...

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Last week I was perusing through a second hand book store, and I came across a copy of Bridget Jones Diary - a literary classic in my non literary opinion he he.... It instantly filled me with memories of long ago... and I just had to buy it $2 ..... a bargain! 

I got home and started reading instantly.... Within moments of reading the first page I was giggling already and nodding incessantly! Oh this book was going to be a hell of a lot more relatable  to me now, than it was a decade ago when I first read it. I know it will make me chuckle but it will also make me feel a little on the uncomfortable side too.. a bit like looking into a reality check mirror.  
I too am now in my early 30's (cant avoid that one I'm afraid!), single, and looking (although not very hard) for my Mr Darcy whilst trying to avoid any "alcoholics, workaholics, commitment phobics, people with girlfriends or wives, misogynists, megalomaniacs, chauvinists, emotional fuck wits, freeloaders and perverts!"*
OK so Bridget didn't have a child and isn't dealing with a former partner,  and the trials and tribulations of single parenthood but hey I think we are on a very similar journey to self discovery... we both don't want to be by ourselves... being alone is not really an option for either of us... we know we can do it.. we have done it so well for so long..  but really we both know a man will help keep us company  ....
I don't smoke at all, nor do I consume 14 units of Vodka in a  night  anymore - although sometimes I really wish I did or could.. but other than that we really could be soul sisters!! 

So a little about what I was like when I purchased Bridget Jones diary  back when I was 20...  I got it with my first official full time pay... I was so used to a student salary of not too much so it was nice to have some disposable income that came with working full time to buy things for myself. I finally felt like an adult. Oh and I felt oh so grown up reading this book on the tram on my way to work in my office job... (just like Bridget!!) It was so mature for me.  I found it easy to relate to thirty something Bridget in her quest for self improvement..  

I think every woman is on some kind of self improvement journey  of some sort.. (just think the last episode of Offspring.. classic example.. oops that is still fictional, but you know what I mean!)  so I felt those emotions that Bridget did,  but I felt so far away from her too.. maybe I did pity her a bit with my youth.. it made me feel better that I wasn't in my 30s and in the same position she was in.. I  was single when I was reading it on a quest to meet Mr Right and avoid all toxic relationships if possible.

Little did I know I was about about to enter a topsy turvy relationship that defined my early 20's and left me feeling more and more like I was an a merry go round with Daniel Cleaver....  I battled with weight issues, but more it was the obsession of the scales, like Bridget I weighed myself EVERY day, but looking back I was the lightest I had been since high school, maybe even to the  extreme...  I too kept a diary..... which really was more harming than it was good... I started writing like her... God, if only I could get my hands on a copy now... what an entertaining read  that would be! 

When the movie came out , I felt even more in sync with Bridget...  but there was always that breather that she had a decade on me.. by the time the second movie was out, I was one half of a smug (almost) married couple.. I had my Mr Darcy.. and felt set for life! I didn't really think about Bridget again.. 
Well only when I went to put on some of my massive Granny undies.. but who doesn't have those moments (or undies like that!) .. or when I said the wrong thing or spoke up and made a complete fool of myself.. which was probably quite often back then (and now!)... 

But now as I read the book.. entering my 33rd year, I am really feeling Bridget's pain... I listen to smooth FM and  sing along to "All by myself" maybe that is, I want to belt it out with a bottle of vodka under my arm and wallow in my pain.... although its a little impractical to do so living in a small apartment block and with a little 4 year old around.... I'm sure he would find it amusing.. but it also may get social services called on me, so I steer clear of any alcohol at home! I do swear like a trooper.. but its normally concealed under my breath..... 

Ok so my quest for Mr Darcy is a little different now.. I have other people to consider and not just myself and my happiness.. but really I need to get my rather large arse into gear...  I am known to wear my heart on my sleeve and my foot in my mouth ala Bridget...so I need to really start speaking up and getting myself out there..... anywhere really... I am not going to meet any nice guys from the comfort of my couch.. (I'm not into the online dating thing!) 

I may need a few vodka fuelled nights out... maybe I will get a taste for it when I am overseas in July,  I will be  truly by myself for the the first time in 5 years and maybe then I will be able to work out what it is I want for me and not whats best for the big and little people around me.. I'm thinking of doing the Bridget Jones tour in London for a touch of inspiration! 

Do you have a literature character that you relate to.. Do you belt out tunes into your hairbrush/vodka bottle/wooden spoon???? 

Any relationship advice to help me find my Mr Darcy?? Oh and stay tuned for the next instalment of the Bridget Jones movie sometime next year... maybe we will be on the same page once she has a baby!
Today I am linking up with Jess at Diary of a SAHM .. I think this is my first Tuesday post in a very long time... I always miss out and never have a post ready in time!! 

Until Next time.. Life is too short for crappy coffee.. 

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*Quote from Bidget Jones Diary- Helen Fielding