It seems that Tuesday is not my day! I seem to always fall apart on a Tuesday.. and it is always the day where my blogs take on a more serious side... I think it must be my little cry out for help!!
Life is being a little bit tough on me at the moment... nothing drastic, just work, parenting, finances, not having a car, and this lingering feeling of panic and feeling out of control...
I'm feel like I'm heading for some kind of meltdown.. I'm sure it's only minor, but the pressure I am feeling, from myself most of the time is making me sick... giving me headaches and heart palpitations (no its not the coffee!) and generally making me weary!
I look back at this time last year and the same thing is happening. Its all the familiar feelings and signs.... I crashed and burned in April last year... BIG TIME.... It wasn't pretty...I was worn out... and there were days I didn't want to get out of bed and face the world... I cried at the drop of a hat... over just about anything...... (Yes I was crying out for help!!!! ) Not many people saw it... but it lasted on and off for 2 or so months... I hadn't let myself get to that point.. to go crazy, get angry or feel really sad since my breakup the year before, So maybe it is all in my brain, a signal for myself to recognise what happened 1 year ago when things began to crumble, and life as I knew it disintegrated before my eyes.....
So I'm guessing that is what is happening right now... Its like some little alarm bells going off telling me to approach the next little while with caution!! So maybe that's all I have to do!
I know my work schedule.. working more than I have in five years is still taking quite a lot of getting used to.. I know I will but it is exhausting.. I keep craving a day off... to catch up on my life.. maybe this full time caper is not for me!!
I seem to have so many balls up in the air at the moment, and I struggle with the fact that there is no one there to catch me, should I fall or fail...
I know I'm just having a rough day and things will be ok, but I think I need a giant hug from someone to tell me it's all going to work out in the end... I know I'm as strong as strong can be.. but this vulnerability I'm feeling just makes me realise I need to ask for help sometimes and maybe even say "yes" even though I hate to that I am not coping so well!!
I'm sure surrendering these feelings will make me feel 100% better! I'm sure this post has been a blur to read, as it was a blur to write...
Let's just see what tomorrow brings...
Today I am linking up with the delightful Jess at Diary of SAHM for
Today I am linking up with the delightful Jess at Diary of SAHM for
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