What's Holding You Back?- March to your own beat .. its the last week

As soon as I saw the link on Laney's last "March to your own beat" post at Crash Test Mummy, asking us to complete the "whats holding you back quiz", I was straight over at the Oprah website answering away...

No one can deny I am a doer!! This I know I am ... and was I surprised with the end result.... nope, not one little, tiny bit... I could have said read out the answer that before I did it .. but I was scared I'd get it wrong... so can you guess what i got ??? Surprise Surprise I got  Fear of Failure....

This was summed up "You are terrified of stepping outside your comfort zone. And you're not alone—I find that this is the most common fear. My clients who struggle with it are often perfectionists who tend to take failure personally. When they don't succeed, they say, "I'm a failure," rather than "I failed." So it's understandable that new ventures can seem frightening. The most important thing you can do for yourself is work on building self-efficacy—the belief that you can actually accomplish what you want to do. Start by setting and achieving small goals. For example, if you want to be a massage therapist, sign up for an adult education course in shiatsu. If you want to be a florist, reach out to one; invite her for coffee and ask her how she got started. As you succeed at these smaller challenges, bigger goals will seem less daunting, and eventually you will develop the confidence to take the leap you've been dreaming about."

 Now I agree with quite a lot of this.. but I do believe I allow myself from time to time to step a couple of feet outside my comfort zone.. I know I don't stray too far from the edge .. but I do like to push myself just a tad ...

To delve a bit more into what is holding me back  and what makes me tick I got out the results of the birkman assessment I did last year as part of my redundancy.. It really gives a bit more of  an insight into how the good, bad and ugly of Java Jane .. and has been one of the most useful things I have had done... Parts of its strength is it doesnt just review the outer visible behaviour but it delves deeper into the drivers and motivators - my needs.. as well as looking at the stressors  -when our needs are not being met.. 

My usual style is 
- insightful 
- optimistic
- thoughtful
- selectively sociable (not sure what this means but I'm guessing this is where my shyness arises!)
- reflective

My personal  needs
- I need individual support
- I need to be able to encourage expression of feelings
- I need  time for reflection ( don't hurry me when I'm choosing a place for dinner!)
- I like to give time for difficult decisions


My stress behaviour (when my needs are not being met!)
- ignore social convention
- become indecisive 
- find it hard to act
- see the worst possibilities
- display anti social behaviour
- become overly sensitive to criticism 
-disorganised 
-self protective 
-evasive (ouch!)

I have a sensitive and respectful approach in one on one relationships, I have an ability to recognise other peoples needs, but this comes from my own awareness of my own feelings.  I need a combination of frankness and sensitivity from others.

It is important that they are neither too blunt nor overly concerned about my feelings.  

 I have a great desire to please others. I have a strong need for approval and acceptance within groups . I love group activities and this is  shown in my broad circle of friends and social network.  When these needs are not being met and the support of friends is lacking I can respond adversely by striving too hard to please or can end up with serious social anxiety, and avoidance of close personal relationships.. 

More than most people I tend to focus on my personal shortcomings rather than my strengths (true!) As a result, I take great pride in my accomplishments and respond well to difficult or demanding tasks. I can be driven, strong willed and have high expectations.  On the flip side I am inclined to blame myself if something fails, become too self critical and feel inadequate! 

I could go on and on and and  on.. It is very detailed report... (definitely worth doing if you get a chance!)  and when I was being taken through it , it wasn't the positives that I seemed to focused on (what a surprise!)... it was the stresses that hit a nerve.. they were the things that made me emotional... not because I didn't like hearing them... but because they were so true... they were me in a stressful situations... me in demanding situations... me in situations I didn't want to be in!

So I know how I should be feeling, I know the kind of person  I can be if I am doing whats best for me... Even though I dont think  I know the  direction I am heading in.. I am ready to go on an adventure... (That is the Sagittarius in me!) 


 I just need to back myself.. and believe believe believe.. I do know if I put my mind to it I CAN achieve anything! And from the wise words of my favourite singer.. "You gotta have Faith!" 

Until next time, Life is too short for crappy coffee

Looking forward to meeting loads of wonderful, amazing, gorgeous  bloggers tonight at the DP2012 Pre conference drinks... I'm nervous as hell.. but I cant wait!!!

Images 

March to my own beat - week 3

Im am back for more ..... participating in the third week of "Marching to my own beat" the phenomenal idea from the creative  genius.. Laney at Crash test mummy... 

This week its all about delving  what we are good at... 

Well I find this super hard.. I don't see what others see....I like to think its my humility, but really I know I am just insecure.. I can recognise that  I am self aware (a positive trait) .. so this is on my to do list to work on....

If I was an Animal 

I wasn't sure what I could feel any association with a particular animal... So I asked my little man - even though I am meant to be thinking on my own two feet... (but he was the only one around)...

So I posed the question: 

"If mummy was an animal what would I be??"

 He pondered this  for a moment - and then he said: 

"A giraffe, mummy because you have long eyelashes and a long neck" -  not really the answer I was after but sweet all the same, then he added... you are like a pink butterfly... no, no I think you are a Lion.." 

Now that one sat right with me... something about "I am woman, hear me roar" resonated with me. I do think I am more like a lion, fiercely  loyal to my pride (family, friends and followers) and protective of my cubs...(The female Lion is always the one in charge!!)  oh and I also barrack for a football team called the Lions - no coincidence there! 

If I could have any role/job I would be ... 

I would love to work in something creative.. I need to be creating new  things on a daily basis.. This seems to  bring me joy and happiness and  that exhilaration and buzz.. that starts in my stomach and takes over my whole body... (I don't get in my everyday job)

I would also like to help people.. I have worked in Health Promotion for the last 7 years and it gives me a real kick.. I love that I could be making a difference to someones life.. 

I would love to work for something like Jamie Oliver's - Ministry of Food... I am passionate about helping people achieve their health and well being goals, including healthy eating and getting out and exercising.

I want to be working somewhere innovative and ever evolving.. I don't think I could sit still somewhere for too long.. (this is coming from someone who was at the same workplace for almost 11 years!!) 

My Hidden Talent 

I'm not sure I have too many hidden talents - I do believe that I have a lot of creative ability to offer, just not sure in what capacity yet... 

I am just not good at trusting myself or my ideas..... I can't see my own capabilities, and if I do, I tend to sell myself way too short... 

I know that I am good at makeup.. I love to do it .... but I am always questioning whether people will like what I have done.. is it too dark, too light... but I know I am good... I just need to trust my instincts more! I know I have creative talents hidden, even If I am yet to find out what these are!! Oh I did just make a video of my Coffee Journey - you can check it out here!!

The most creative thing I've ever done... 

Front on mind of course is my whirlwind coffee tasting journey last year and starting my blog on a complete whim... 

As soon as I opened up Blogger and created my account.. and posted that first post something was lit inside, a burning desire to do more with my creative side... I'm still plodding away.. I cant get any ideas off the ground.. there is too much stuff going on in real life that take up most of my time but I would love to dedicate some time getting creative and in the right headspace to come up with ideas... but its slowly slowly  evolving and I hope it can continue to be my creative outlet! 

People come to me when they need help with...

Well its certainly not when they need something fixed.. I go to my dad for that.. I am not really a problem solver of the traditional kind!  Lately people come to me when they need to cook something sweet.. I'm not an expert... but I love baking.. its another creative thing that  brings me joy.. When I was pregnant with Darby, I had a craving for cupcakes.. not so much to eat them, but to bake them, it was like being pregnant unlocked this hidden baking gene.. (I went ahead and cooked over 200 cupcakes for my baby shower - at 35 weeks pregnant!!)  

Cupcakes before they were in vogue-  my daggy versions at my
baby shower!

People seem to come to me when they need to talk something over, I am an excellent listener, and give sound advice, advice from the heart, honest advice, advice from life experience... 

Also I always get asked for makeup advice!!! (I'll take questions any time!!!)

The sort of problems I like to solve are....

I don't think I am much of a problem solver... maybe I'm too busy daydreaming and thinking about the future that I cant get pulled into the present to sort out a problem! 

I like to be challenged.. so if the problem was of the electronic kind.. I would give it a go... 

Someone else thinks I am good at...

I really wasn't sure how to answer this one.. so I turned to Darby again.. and he said I was good at drinking good coffee.. Amen to him!!! He knows me too well!

I guess others have told me I am good at manoeuvring my way through solo parenting with a smile on my face and a positive attitude.. I hope that I inspire some people! (I really try not to complain about it.. I probably don't talk about it enough .. something I will work on!) 

Oh and back to the makeup - I have been told I am pretty good, I suppose that is why I'm off to do 2 weddings in the next 2 weeks.. where I will make 10 gorgeous women, look even more amazing!

Phew that was really hard..... Now I'm off to do the Oprah quiz.. looking forward to finding out more ... and reporting back of course!

Until next time , life is too short  to drink crappy coffee...