My red chair was delivered today.. 6 weeks to the day that I ordered it. I have been eagerly anticipating the arrival of this chair to finally make my lounge room complete.
I have been wanting a chair for a corner in my lounge since I moved in... I wanted to have a chair I could curl up in to read, use my computer on and gaze out the window.. It was to be my space, only mine. Living in such a small unit took some getting used to, and what I missed most was a place to go and chill out when life got tough, a sanctuary to get away.. Not even the toilet is a sacred place in our house and Darby hates it when I go into my room for some "me time", he just has to join me (to jump on the bed of course) No peace and quiet there..
So even though a chair is small, it is enough to be my own.
I have been looking for the perfect chair on and off on the likes of eBay and Ikea for awhile now but never really could justify parting with the money.. It was on my wish list but bills, rent and child care came before it and it never made it further up that list..
So even though a chair is small, it is enough to be my own.
I have been looking for the perfect chair on and off on the likes of eBay and Ikea for awhile now but never really could justify parting with the money.. It was on my wish list but bills, rent and child care came before it and it never made it further up that list..
So why now did I buy it.. well to be honest I found myself in a life is too f$&!ing short moment!! These moments don't happen all that often -thank goodness...
I decided life is too short to wait for that chair.. I had just visited my cousin in her final week.. Left in tears from her house, drove myself to a furniture store, and whilst wiping tears away from my red raw face I ordered my new chair...
Life just wasn't fair... I kept saying that over and over and over in my head..and I am sure out loud a few times too..
I decided life is too short to wait for that chair.. I had just visited my cousin in her final week.. Left in tears from her house, drove myself to a furniture store, and whilst wiping tears away from my red raw face I ordered my new chair...
Life just wasn't fair... I kept saying that over and over and over in my head..and I am sure out loud a few times too..
Those really crap moments in life make us do strange strange things... I didn't think I would write about these moments.. they are still so raw but my fingers got the better of me and within moments I had written this....
When I saw her for the final time, her body so frail, her blonde hair was even wispier than normal and her body was still, the only thing moving was the rising and falling of her chest.. I don't think I made it far into the room without a sea of tears streaming down my face, her nurse, a family friend, was with her, and within seconds I was sobbing into this strangers arms, uncontrollable tears.. Tears from somewhere deep, I saw myself in her that day.. That could be me... that was my family... this wasn't fair.. The outline of her face, her pale skin... I could see the similarities now.. We have been told a lot that we looked alike. And I remember weeks later at her funeral people telling me we looked similar.
As her nurse left the room I just sat with her, holding her hand and stroking her face... Thoughts going through my head, Trying to work out what to say, whether she could hear me, I don't remember much of what I said, only that her eyelashes were incredibly long and luscious, something I hadn't noticed before.... such a random thing to recount, but in those moments the dumbest things popped into my head... And that I would always remember her laugh, it was incandescent, so unique and so her..
I don't know how long I sat with her.. Long enough for Darby in the other room to start wondering where I was.. I remember leaving her, kissing her gently on her forehead, going to the bathroom to wipe away the tears and returning to Darby (big sunnies on) and gave him the biggest cuddle! I decided then and there to go and get that chair, probably so shallow of me really.... Nothing of material matter was going to make up for how I felt then.... but I thought it may make me feel better in the future...
So as I sit here in my chair, I feel a sense of calm, a sense of peace. I am so grateful that whenever I sit in this chair no matter how sad and devastating the situation behind it is, I will always be reminded of my gorgeous cousin ...
What are you grateful for this week??
When I saw her for the final time, her body so frail, her blonde hair was even wispier than normal and her body was still, the only thing moving was the rising and falling of her chest.. I don't think I made it far into the room without a sea of tears streaming down my face, her nurse, a family friend, was with her, and within seconds I was sobbing into this strangers arms, uncontrollable tears.. Tears from somewhere deep, I saw myself in her that day.. That could be me... that was my family... this wasn't fair.. The outline of her face, her pale skin... I could see the similarities now.. We have been told a lot that we looked alike. And I remember weeks later at her funeral people telling me we looked similar.
As her nurse left the room I just sat with her, holding her hand and stroking her face... Thoughts going through my head, Trying to work out what to say, whether she could hear me, I don't remember much of what I said, only that her eyelashes were incredibly long and luscious, something I hadn't noticed before.... such a random thing to recount, but in those moments the dumbest things popped into my head... And that I would always remember her laugh, it was incandescent, so unique and so her..
I don't know how long I sat with her.. Long enough for Darby in the other room to start wondering where I was.. I remember leaving her, kissing her gently on her forehead, going to the bathroom to wipe away the tears and returning to Darby (big sunnies on) and gave him the biggest cuddle! I decided then and there to go and get that chair, probably so shallow of me really.... Nothing of material matter was going to make up for how I felt then.... but I thought it may make me feel better in the future...
So as I sit here in my chair, I feel a sense of calm, a sense of peace. I am so grateful that whenever I sit in this chair no matter how sad and devastating the situation behind it is, I will always be reminded of my gorgeous cousin ...
What are you grateful for this week??
Until next time.. Life is too short to drink crappy coffee
Linking up with the beautiful Maxabella Loves
for 52 Weeks of Grateful
