10 days....

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Its been 10 days since I last blogged.. just 10 days... only 10 days... but somehow it feels like an eternity ago.
 I actually had thoughts during the past 10 days that I would never write on this blog again.. or maybe I needed to start a whole new blog.. start from scratch, a clean slate, or just delete this all and disappear from the blogosphere. 
Who was I kidding.. that was never going to happen..  Alas I have  broken my 10 day curse and posted something.. its not great.. but it is words.. and it is on here! 


I may blame all these silly thoughts on the fact I have been well & truly under the weather..  I have been the sickest I can remember being  as an adult..  actually I think I said those exact words no more than 6 months ago when I was equally as sick.. but  I think this time takes the cake! 
I really do believe I get sick when my body has had enough.. when I am absolutely run down, stressed to the max and my body cries out for some help, an intervention. It is a big,  rude shock to the system that leaves me startled, but it does get me thinking about how I want to live my best life.

When I was sick earlier in the year it was right after my cousin's funeral. To say the month leading up to that  was anything less than stressful is a gross understatement. My body literally fell apart and I had to stop, regroup and rest to get better. Maybe it was a chance to reflect and grieve on my time.. 


Shortly after I became a single parent in 2010, I was confronted with a "would have been" anniversary ... it would have been 6 years with Dave.. ironically that day I took ill.. was really sick I couldn't get out of bed, had to have someone look after Darby and literally fell apart.. A pattern is happening don't you think?

This time I have been feeling stressed about a lot of things  and it has been slowly building momentum for some time now.. my day to day routine has been wearing thin..... and so I knew the time was coming where my body was not going to cope any longer and would literally throw in the towel... It did just that and more.. 2 weeks off work, 4 trips to the doctor and several days on the couch feeling pretty damn low! I had Darby with me for the most part.. some days were ok and others well just exhausting.. I was a terrible, neglectful parent.. I won't be winning any parenting awards any time soon! He was left to his own device most of the time... I couldn't move for anyone.. There was no washing done.. no dishes.. not too many showers.. and Darby was left in full control of the pantry... not great for a 4 year old.... 


I happened to fall sick the same week my ever reliable parents boarded a jet plane a sunnier state for their wedding anniversary ...  This left me grasping for help.. begging Darby's dad.. and feeling mighty miserable about the way I felt and the situation I am in! 
This being all alone feeling hasn't really left me yet.. maybe it will when I shake the cobwebs of the bronchitis away... but there have been many a tear shed over the past 2 weeks .. and part of this feeling miserable was the feeling that maybe I would never write again.. maybe I would be happy with that.. but even in the 10 days of not really reading blogs or writing my own, I started to feel really disconnected.. disconnected to the world I loved.. the people I have met and feel I know.. sometimes these friendships seem more real than the ones I am having  in real life.. 

 Anyway I know I am rambling now and this blog post will make no sense.. but it was good that I just got my fingers tapping again.. and start to feel connected to the world I have grown to love and feel part of.. I know I need to make changes in my life, otherwise I will go down this path again and again.. like banging my head against a brick wall... in my head I know what I have to do to make life easier and better for Darby and I .. Im making my first daring move this week to make a change for the better.. wish me luck (oh and Ill be back in less than 10 days!)


Until next time (and there will be a next time) life is too short for crappy coffee 

Batman to the rescue....

After earlier in the week complaining that Darby was going through one  of of those "uncooperative, naughty and cheeky stages that was driving me crazy"

Today I was pleasantly surprised.. I literally ate my words...  

My little batman loving boy.. was taking a page out of his favourite characters book and was a little superhero for me all day! 

This was the perfect day for him to pull out his Ace cards with his behaviour because I felt like death warmed up! 

I went into work feeling all stuffed up with a head cold.. it was all downhill really as I began to feel worse, cloudy, hazy and generally just miserable... I was not being a productive worker .. 

I decided the best thing to do was to leave at lunchtime.. head home and rest!

I wasn't sure whether to pick Darby up from childcare early and take the risk that the afternoon could go quite pear shaped if he started acting like he had for the last week or so...  Should I just  head home for some child free time to just rest with no distractions, no complaining, no demands? 

I flipped a coin and decided to pick him up.. mostly because I didn't want to go back into the city after I got home.. The stress of dealing with peak hour traffic would ruin any rest I was going to be having! 

I arrived at his Kinder when all the kids were resting.. nothing cuter than seeing 15 little 4 years olds having a nap on the floor.. How they get them all to sleep and so quiet in unison is seriously a mystery.. They need medals for this (I am guessing most of these kids don't have a sleep on a normal non kinder day!)

I hated having to wake Darby up after only 20 minutes of rest... His face when he saw me was of such disbelief and shock..  I had to calm him to let him know that everything was ok as I think he got a bit of a fright.. but he jumped straight into my arms for a cuddle..

After his initial shock he was talkative and excited to see me... there was no grumpy residue left from his quick nap.. 

We headed towards home and he was genuinely concerned that I was sick and wanted to look after me! We dropped in quickly to grab a coffee at Le Chien, he wanted to chat about his day and talk about my day... My little boy was acting so maturely.. 
We got home and he smothered me in cuddles and kisses, he put on his most charming and delightful self for the afternoon.. the one I remembered so clearly and that has been missing in action for a week or so now! 
No complaining, no demands, just bliss... happy, inquisitive.. happy to play by himself, happy to get me drinks, happy to smother me in love and blankets.. boy have I missed this little man! And more so, I was so thankful that he chose today to put on his best behaviour... Its hard being sick and by myself, I generally feel my lowest and realise how alone I am... but now Darby is so grown up, he can step up and take on the role of the caregiver from time to time! 

So whilst  I sat in my red chair and whined and sneezed.. He covered me in love and Wonder Woman stickers.. his way of telling me what an awesome mum I am and his way of making me feel better!
Ah bless his heart.. how I am so thankful for him! 


Until next time, stay out of the cold... 

Linking up with Kate at Kate Says Stuff for Thankful Thursday. What are you thankful for today?

Taking the good with the bad!!

Colour blocking!!

My weekend started on a happy and positive note... but unfortunately went downhill after that...

Darby and I had been planning to go to the movies all week and we were beside our selves with excitement that there were advance screenings of the eagerly awaited (in our house hold) Puss in Boots... Darby for some reason has been obsessed with this movie for the last 6 months, but it has reached fever pitch in the last 4 weeks.. with advertisements on ever tram, bus and bus stop!! He had watched the preview on You Tube enough times to know some of it word for word....

Darbs woke with the excitement of Xmas day....and  was soo happy to get ready with no fuss of some of the usual frantic and grumpy weekday mornings... eating all his breaky, getting dressed.. and all round easy peasy... he even wanted to put some of his best clothes on ...bless him!!

The movie was good.. Darby was mesmerised during the whole thing.. his verdict - "It was the best movie I have ever seen! It was a little scary with Jack and Jill and all, but I liked it!" So cute!!  The rest of the day was a delight and was one of those happy days spent together having fun! 

And then came the bad!! At about 3.30 am.. I woke up feeling queasy.. and tossed and turned for the next few hours... before getting up, and without being too graphic I had my head in a bucket for some time to come..I am guessing it was the dips I ate for dinner... I won't be eating Hummus and Tzatziki for awhile to come! So the rest of the day I spent on the couch tossing and turning and groaning in pain!! 

My plans of Xmas shopping and coffee hopping literally went down the toilet!

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This is when I am very very grateful that I have a fabulous (sometimes) relationship with Darby's dad! He was over straight away.. went and got me some lemonade and salty chips (these didn't help), took Darb's to the park or kept him entertained here, as well as cleaning up my kitchen.. (for some reason I hate being home alone when I am sick!! It feels more depressing!) 

He was very gracious.. even if he did some of it through gritted teeth!  

So what started out as a wonderful weekend.. didn't really shape up to be like that! This one has been 50:50!!! Lets hope I get that Xmas shopping done this week!!


How were your weekends... Better than my Sunday??? I'd love to hear! It will cheer me up!!

Until next time... Life is too short to drink crappy coffee!!! 

Today I am linking up with the gorgeous Sonia at Life Love and Hiccups