Hours….

I  have been thinking about my trip a lot lately… for those that haven't read before.. I am heading off to Mauritius in July to be a bridesmaid for a friends wedding and then heading to London for to catch up with my best friend. 

There are around 2360 hours until I leave for my trip…. 

2256 hours until the wedding in Mauritius for Elisha and Lindley 

2232 hours until I am hungover and need a rest by the beach  

2160 hours until I board a plane for London 

2054 hours until I get on a train and head to the place I have wanted to go to FOREVER- Paris 

2045 hours until I spend countless hours gossiping and helping my dear friend shaz with her little bub

2880 hours until I arrive home in Melbourne 

I have  also calculated the hours that I will be away from home  as well… 546 hours….. 

546 hours … 546 hours …. Then it dawned on me, well not really, more like a punch in the chest as I knew this was coming all along… 

I will go for 546 hours without a kiss or a cuddle, from Darby…  without him jumping all over me.. or letting him  gently sweep his hand across my hair…  546 hours where I will not have the pleasure of helping him get dressed, taking him to kinder, pick him up from kinder and take him for trips out for coffee.. 546 hours without hearing his laugh…putting him to bed… and our night time ritual of him sitting on my knee as we tell each other silly stories… our talks together.. him teaching me things every day with his batman wisdom…

I will also not feel the frustration that sometimes comes with solo parenting but left with me I will have the more gut wrenching thought of not seeing him for so long…. 

This makes me tear up at the thought.. Ill have to harden up a little or I might not be able to get on the plane,  the fact I will not be in any distance, to smother him in kisses makes me feel sick.. and makes my heart ache… This is my baby we are talking about!

It will be a massive learning curve to spend that much time alone, with myself.. talking to myself.. learning about myself.. its something I'm going to have to get used to! 

I know that this is the break that I deserve and I am yearning for it so much each day… I realise this is my first chance in a long time to grow up.. to take care of me, only me…  I'm not sure I'll like it … but  maybe I will come to realise that there is a happy medium of taking care of me to help with the long term care of Darby.. a happy mum…. makes a happy child… 

I know that Darby will be in such good care with his dad, and his family to help out as well as my family and friends.. he will be surrounded by love and care… he may even forget who is mum is - well until I get off the plane with all his presents from London! 

We talk about my holiday every day, so that he understands that it is just me going.. Its hard for him to understand as  we have been hand in hand for the last 2 years.. we are a team, we have stuck together.. we have looked after each other.. we say this to each other every night as we drift off to sleep.. Ill be leaving our team for a little while …. but Ill be coming back, more cultured… more relaxed and  a better mummy…

I'm not to going to dwell on this too much, otherwise it will take up all my brain space and I have so much to organise, passport, wedding bits and pieces, my trip to Paris and around England  etc etc.. these are all exciting and life changing things for me.. It is scaring the hell out of me but I know it will be exhilarating and I know I will come back a bit changed..  hopefully for the better..

Who has left their child/children for a long period of time? How did you cope.. What strategies did you use? How did the children go? 

Today I am linking up with the delightful Jess at Diary of SAHM for  IBOT .... share around the love... 

Until next time, life is too short for crappy coffee

{In the meantime on another serious note.. I now know I have 2360 hours to get into shape… My first stint as a bridesmaid and I want to be in tip top shape… So that will keep me focused for the next 3 or so months! }