Letters to Darby - Goodbye Mauritius.. Hello ENGLAND!!

Dear Darby,

Missing you like crazy but its been so nice to hear your cheeky voice over the phone this week... Mum tries really really hard to keep it together but when I hear your voice I cant help but tear up! Its in my DNA to think about you all the time.. and there have been moments where I wish you have seen something or shared something with me.. but all in good time.. one day I will take you to these amazing places and we can have our own adventures together! 

Dad is doing such a great job of looking after you.. and he has been telling me how good you have been which I am so happy to hear! 

I promise you monkey, when I get back I will have a feast of presents... 

Well I have farewelled Mauritus for now.. The last couple of days were spent sunning myself on the beach... I haven't relaxed like that in as long as I can remember.. it was all in preparation for my long haul flight to London! 

We left the Bungalow at 6.40am in the morning and drove the hour long drive down to the Mauritius international airport! I farewelled Elisha and Lindley and set about checking in and getting through customs... 

I checked my bag in and walked through security, as I was walking in a security guard asked me if I had a Violet case, I replied yes.. but started getting worried as to why he had been watching me... I went through the usual airport stuff and of course today was the  day for my hip to go off when I walked through the scanners...  I was ushered to be patted down by a lovely security guard.. and then a scary looking security guard asked me if I could follow him.. he took me behind those doors with mirror on the outside (always a bit of a worry!!), down some stairs and dark corridors until I was lead out to the loading bay for the luggage... There was my case sitting all by itself! I started to panic wondering if someone had tampered with it! Luckily they were just doing a routine  security check.. but they had to go through all of my stuff looking for god knows what... much to my horror... they were ruining my precise packing! There was so much in the case and the zip had been bulging from the pressure at the sides that I thought any moment it could burst.. 

Of course they didn't find anything and I had to quickly pack it up again.. the zips just closed! Luckily! 

Once we were on board I relaxed.. I just wanted to get on my way.. The flight was going to be 12 hours long and I was mentally preparing myself for it! 

I was seated near the back with a group of British rugby players, they were very rowdy, but were very sweet , helping me with my overhead luggage and offering me food! 

I waited impatiently until we took off... I always get nervous with our take off... I grip the seat and my knuckles go white!!  I'm getting slightly better at it! Ill be a pro by the time I get back! 

About 30 mins into the flight, some flight attendants began running to the front of the plane.. I was alarmed and panicked already... They called over the speaker if there was a Doctor on board... eek this wasn't looking good!!

It was when the Pilot began to speak that I had a sinking feeling of what we were in for! He asked for us to remain calm... but there was so much panic in his voice it was almost impossible to do so, a medical emergency on board meant it was a  turnaround and back to Mauritius for us! We made a safe landing with blaring firetrucks awaiting us! The passenger was ok, but left the plane with the ambulance .. we then refuelled and waited and waited and waited... It was more than an hour until we took off again.. I knew then it was going to be a long long flight!! 

And it was... All of the decent movies I had watched on the way over.. So I listened to relaxing music and tried to sleep... I nodded off for a couple of hours, but time was dragging! I clock watched the whole time.. Which was like watching paint dry! FINALLY after over 15 hours on the plane we arrived at Heathrow!

I couldn't contain my excitement! I was here.. I was in London! I was ready for my trip!

It took me awhile to get through customs and to the other terminal where I needed to catch the bus to Oxford! Adrenalin helped to keep me going...And got me onto that bus, once I was on I started to relax.. On my 40 minute journey I decided to only listen to music by UK artists, so I played a bit of Robbie Williams and Adele, George Michael and the Beatles. It felt intrinsic to be listening to British pop, and classics.. I was so so tired but I wanted to cry with happiness excitement and heartache...

I was picked up at Oxford by Stuart and we were in the car for the short drive to Charlbury to where I was staying! I couldn't really see anything as it was dark.. but it was so nice to be driving through the forests and winding roads! 

It was amazing to finally get to Sharon and Stuarts at just on 12am in Hixet Wood ...I was exhausted and fell into bed... a long day, but I was so happy to be in the UK..... 

Missing you heaps Darbs

Love Mum xxxx

Grateful for Adventures.....

In three sleeps I'm off on a big adventure.. the biggest adventure of my little life! Bigger than my coffee journey of 2011.. much much bigger...

I am grateful that in a way I was made redundant last year.. it has allowed me to fund a trip, a trip I so desperately need after the last 2 long, hard years of single parenthood..  This trip although for the wedding of one of my best friends... is still a holiday of self discovery for me.. Im grateful that I get to spend time in England with a best friend and her newborn baby.. I am grateful that I am visiting a city I have always always have wanted to go to: Paris..

Of course I am as nervous as hell about flying.. and leaving Darby behind.. but I know that I will probably learn more about myself in three weeks than what I have in the last few years and he will be so fine here without me....

Im so excited..excited to be taking a breather and taking time out.. to be celebrating in some joyous occasions and  Im  just  so grateful for the help of Dave and of my close relatives who are going to look after Darby while I'm away!    

Im linking up today with the gorgeous  Bron at Maxabella for 52 Weeks of Grateful: Reunions

Until next time.... Life is to short for crappy coffee...

Bridesmaids Boot Camp

This whole  wedding business started to feel real.. In 9 and a bit weeks  I will be a bridesmaid.. At the age of 32 this is the first time I have had the honour of being one, so to say I am excited is a massive understatement! The fact that the wedding is overseas is the icing on the cake really! 

The bride and I picked up the bridesmaids dresses last week, so I could take it home and make any changes to it that may be needed.

But of course I had to try it on for the bride....

With trepidation I unzipped it.... slipped it over my lumpy backside... and on over my bigger than usual shoulders... It fits, and it looks great... a beautiful classic style and I am so relieved that the dress is all sorted!! I do really love it, which I know is not a regular occurrence for bridesmaids! (flashes of the movie 27 dresses come to mind!) 

There is one thing though that I would like to change a little (or a lot) before the big day... that lumpy backside of mine...

So this week I kicked my bridesmaid boot camp into gear!! Mostly out of sheer panic and mostly because we are heading into winter and if I can stick to an exercise plan now, it will hopefully carry through until  summer (fingers crossed anyway!) 

So I'm starting with exercise first, and then I will work on my diet.. I know in reality I should be doing it the other way around, but somehow the more exercise I do the more I want to eat clean and healthy! 

Back in the days where exercise
was easy!!

In the old days (pre single motherhood) I would do 3-5 classes a week... often this consisted of classes early in the morning before Darby and Dave woke - I am a good morning exerciser, I loved the feeling of having done my exercise for the day before 7am!! I also did  one or two evening classes as well as a Saturday morning class! (Dedicated I know!)

I was able to lose weight, or at least maintain it and I was pretty happy with my body... Fast Forward... two years of single parenthood have taken its toll,  I try and be as active as possible, but it takes a backward step to the other more important and essential priorities! 

Last year I was  spiralling towards a breakdown and I knew that exercise would help to fix this... so I found a personal trainer just around the corner.. and I committed to it. It was only once a week.. that's was the only time and money I could afford! I was dedicated, I have only missed 3 sessions since July last year!  I don't get that pre exercise, should I or shouldn't I go feeling? I always want to as it is time dedicated just for me (and its  always so different and that's what I love... )

So in the last few weeks through my personal trainer I started doing an outdoor group Boxing class in a park near my house... just slowly getting my body used to more intense exercise.. 

Last night I bravely put on my gym clothes and headed to the local leisure centre! Being Anzac day the choice of classes was pretty small . There was RPM - a cycle class or this explosive high energy boxing class. Don't get me wrong I love boxing to death but it sounded a bit too scary for my liking '! So I went with RPM.. I knew what I was in for- I had done this class about 9 years ago..

I got myself set up by the teacher, and off I went on a virtual bike ride through hell... I pushed myself, but didn't go too crazy.. I did want to come back after all.. 

Over the 45 minute class  I managed to clock over 20 km which I was happy with.. And apart from my sore backside from the uncomfortable seat I think I'll be back again next week!

So here is a run down of what I am going to try and do over the next 9 weeks!

- weekly personal training session with Adammy PT

- weekly group outdoor boxing and circuit class with my PT

- weekly spin class

- 15 minute walk during my work day

- 5 minute circuit everyday of squats, push ups ,sit ups, overhead raises biceps curls

- minimum of 12000 steps- every day - I have worn a pedometer every day for the last 4 years!!! Even all dresses to weddings, you name it - I have worn it to!

I needed to consider the money as well. I don't have much to spend, so I have to do it wisely. My personal trainer is the luxury item, but also the necessity, he pushes me like nobody can, so I need that!

Anything else is a bonus! I have pushed myself, but not to the point where it is unachievable.. I needed to consider that I do work 4 days and I am a single mum ... But like any challenge I won't let those things stop me! I know once I get going I get motivation to push myself!

As for my diet... I might write another post to tackle that one!!

It feels good to have it recorded... I'll try not to bore you with too many updates but might do a fortnightly recap!

If you have any tips for time effective exercise.. I'm all ears? Did you implement something similar when you were getting married or in a wedding??

PS I multitasking right now! As I write this I am (carefully) walking a lap of the park in my lunch break - and have done 8000 steps for the day so far!!

Until next time...

Java Jane

Hours….

I  have been thinking about my trip a lot lately… for those that haven't read before.. I am heading off to Mauritius in July to be a bridesmaid for a friends wedding and then heading to London for to catch up with my best friend. 

There are around 2360 hours until I leave for my trip…. 

2256 hours until the wedding in Mauritius for Elisha and Lindley 

2232 hours until I am hungover and need a rest by the beach  

2160 hours until I board a plane for London 

2054 hours until I get on a train and head to the place I have wanted to go to FOREVER- Paris 

2045 hours until I spend countless hours gossiping and helping my dear friend shaz with her little bub

2880 hours until I arrive home in Melbourne 

I have  also calculated the hours that I will be away from home  as well… 546 hours….. 

546 hours … 546 hours …. Then it dawned on me, well not really, more like a punch in the chest as I knew this was coming all along… 

I will go for 546 hours without a kiss or a cuddle, from Darby…  without him jumping all over me.. or letting him  gently sweep his hand across my hair…  546 hours where I will not have the pleasure of helping him get dressed, taking him to kinder, pick him up from kinder and take him for trips out for coffee.. 546 hours without hearing his laugh…putting him to bed… and our night time ritual of him sitting on my knee as we tell each other silly stories… our talks together.. him teaching me things every day with his batman wisdom…

I will also not feel the frustration that sometimes comes with solo parenting but left with me I will have the more gut wrenching thought of not seeing him for so long…. 

This makes me tear up at the thought.. Ill have to harden up a little or I might not be able to get on the plane,  the fact I will not be in any distance, to smother him in kisses makes me feel sick.. and makes my heart ache… This is my baby we are talking about!

It will be a massive learning curve to spend that much time alone, with myself.. talking to myself.. learning about myself.. its something I'm going to have to get used to! 

I know that this is the break that I deserve and I am yearning for it so much each day… I realise this is my first chance in a long time to grow up.. to take care of me, only me…  I'm not sure I'll like it … but  maybe I will come to realise that there is a happy medium of taking care of me to help with the long term care of Darby.. a happy mum…. makes a happy child… 

I know that Darby will be in such good care with his dad, and his family to help out as well as my family and friends.. he will be surrounded by love and care… he may even forget who is mum is - well until I get off the plane with all his presents from London! 

We talk about my holiday every day, so that he understands that it is just me going.. Its hard for him to understand as  we have been hand in hand for the last 2 years.. we are a team, we have stuck together.. we have looked after each other.. we say this to each other every night as we drift off to sleep.. Ill be leaving our team for a little while …. but Ill be coming back, more cultured… more relaxed and  a better mummy…

I'm not to going to dwell on this too much, otherwise it will take up all my brain space and I have so much to organise, passport, wedding bits and pieces, my trip to Paris and around England  etc etc.. these are all exciting and life changing things for me.. It is scaring the hell out of me but I know it will be exhilarating and I know I will come back a bit changed..  hopefully for the better..

Who has left their child/children for a long period of time? How did you cope.. What strategies did you use? How did the children go? 

Today I am linking up with the delightful Jess at Diary of SAHM for  IBOT .... share around the love... 

Until next time, life is too short for crappy coffee

{In the meantime on another serious note.. I now know I have 2360 hours to get into shape… My first stint as a bridesmaid and I want to be in tip top shape… So that will keep me focused for the next 3 or so months! }