Adventures of June

What an extraordinary start to Winter. Its funny to think that in one short month I have made some  exciting and scary life changes.  I call it putting destiny in my own hands.

Now when I look back over June I would have to say it was my greatest month so far this year.

I have dreaded June for oh so long, but I think I am past all of that now. I approached it from such a different mindset and although I did let myself grieve a little for the life lost, I embraced all the the remarkable things that are happening in my life too.

In embracing this new found zest, I found that I had some confidence, not much, but just enough to make some big big changes of the serious risk taking kind.   I have tried new and wondrous things.
I have stepped way out of the border of that comfort zone I have myself imprisoned in and have enjoyed so many new adventures.

I know life is going to get tremendously busy  and much trickier to navigate, but to be honest I wouldn't have it any other way.

I want to make sure I have memories of each month, as I can see the rest of this year is going to be swallowed up with work/study/parenting/sleep on repeat.  So I thought I would start to document my favourite moments of each month to remind myself of all the wonder in my life. 

Here are a few of my favourite June moments...

~ I got all dressed up with my gorgeous friend to see the Great Gatsby. We were supporting a local charity "Women of the West",  more specifically for  Women's Health West,  who are based in Footscray. These amazing ladies are committed to improving equity and justice for women in Melbourne’s western region. They provide shelter for women and their children escaping family violence.  Such a great cause to get behind. We couldn't not go! 

I also loved seeing my favourite book made into a film. The story always breaks my heart, but I do still think I like the Robert Redford/Mia Farrow version better!

~ Spending time with my dear friend Pip, from Bub, Sweat and Tears. We attended the Mind, Body Spirit festival in Melbourne. Not everything there was for us, but we sought out the things that we wanted and came away with some great products. My favourite was the Cacao Cashew Clusters. An amazing sweet treat and energy booster in one!  You only need a small handful to get rid of any sweet cravings! 

I just love spending time with great friends, I love the laughter and energy and I come away feeling so rejuvenated and inspired. 

~ My little guy is growing so damn fast. It wasn't all that long ago he couldn't write a thing and now he is writing the names of his favourite superheroes! Bless his little heart! Soon he will be writing his own stories!  He has a glorious little imagination, I cannot wait to see where his writing will take him. 

~ I spent two Saturdays of June going to local Farmers markets in my area. I am so lucky that my local one is right across the road from me. I love to go and wander, Darby gets his face painted and I pick up some yummy local produce. 

My sister and I went to the Ceres Farmers market in Brunswick. It has a brilliant array of produce and awesome health food shop on site as well. 

~ Afternoons out with my little guy.  Every week he grows some more and I am trying to take in his 5 year old soul for as long as possible, before long he will be at birthday number 6 (gulp). 

~ We had our first parent teacher interview. It was a time for us to hear what the teacher had to say about Darby's progress at school.   I was a little scared,  I feel like it wasn't that long ago that my mum was going to my interviews!

These  were some of  the words his teacher used to describe him -   delightful, compassionate, cheeky, a beautiful heart, resilient, adaptable to change, all reflective of how he must have been bought up.   My heart swelled  and although I had to fight back the tears, I felt a little bit proud.

~ I helped my gorgeous sister move into the most stunning apartment.  It has character and warmth and I now love spending time there. It is even closer to me which is an extra bonus! I have spent so much time there now, it is like my second home. 

~ I made the most of the plethora of health books and dvds my sister has and started reading and watching in any spare moment I had. My favourites were Food Matters, Hungry for Change and Lets be Frank. All motivational and all leading me to some big decisions about what I want to do!

~ I discovered a love for Spirulina, I started taking this in May to help cure my cold, and I have been addicted ever since. My energy levels are so much higher and I really notice it if I haven't had it for a day!

~ Darby and I began meditating. Thanks to some recommendations from the lovely and wise Amelia at Nurture and Shine  I finally downloaded some apps on my phone.  Darby likes the Smiling Mind, whereas I prefer Headspace (I love the sound of the guys voice!)  We haven't looked back really, although we need to do them more in the day time to relax our mind, instead of in bed as we often both just nod off to sleep.

~ It took me a long time to discover my local Japanese restaurant, but I am so glad I did. I have become rather addicted. Their sushi is the best I have had, fresh and nutritious and the Miso soup is so nourishing and warming, I have fallen for it hard. Luckily Darby has adopted Japanese as his favourite food too. We have been here a few times for dinner now, its very popular in the area and you have to book ahead. 

http://www.ajitoya.com.au

~Lastly I took the plunge and applied for  the course I had been wanting to do for so long. It felt so right and I now feel complete. 

I am eager to start, even though I am petrified of the unknown, and how I will manage it with everything else, the time is just right and there is no point holding back now! I'm going to give it a good old crack! I have overcome other challenges in life, and this is just another one.

I just have to have the end game in sight to keep me motivated along the way. I think a vision board is calling my name! 

Until next time...  

Lately

I have been a little absent around here lately.

I think it's that I find May and June hard months to get through. It isn't helped by this oppressive winter  that has set in. Why does winter have to be so long!
Further more my freezing little box that I call my apartment makes me want to retreat under a big doona.  So many a night lately, instead of sitting in front of the computer screen trying to tap out a post, I opt for my cozy and warm bed. {I am sure most of my ideas go on hibernation too!)

To be honest though, my absence is mostly due to the fog of another year being a single mama gently  lifting.  The haze that was my breakup is getting further and further in our past and I feel it getting lighter  everyday.
I see my life and dreams moving forward. Healing, growing, evolving.  I celebrate this each and every day. I have to, there is no point trying to judge or  feel guilty for all the water thats travelled under the bridge!  I have to smile. It did take me  quite a while to get here and to see things like that!

Yet the quietness that surrounds me in June is my hearts way of saying it is ok to take it it slow this month, to take stock and reflect on the journey to date.
The enormity of  everything  didn't register back then, Back then it was all about survival. Not to sit around lamenting.  I had an almost 3 year old to look after and he reminded me daily that I was on the right path.  It was a hard path, but it was worth taking. He still does remind me everyday as he grows up and I see his beautiful little soul flourish.

I have also been  quiet as I have been pondering whether it's time to start something new, give up this little blog. Maybe it's served it's purpose in the grieving process.  Maybe it is time to start afresh. Something lively, something passionate, something that serves my personality as it is now, not as it was back then.

But what?  I'm not even sure I can answer that question! And when I think about what I really want to do, that little seed of self doubt plants itself and I put the idea aside.  I make excuses and tell myself things that I know I shouldn't. That I am hopeless, and talentless, and can't write, I have nothing to offer.  Luckily though I am not listening to that little voice anymore, I am choosing to ignore it.  All it does is fuel me more to prove it wrong.  {Oh what funny games we play with our own heads!}

Anyway I'm not sure what I'm going to do as yet, I'm sure that answer will come to me. My brain is constantly thinking and thinking, and whenever an idea pops up, I am jotting them down (even if its at 2.00am!) These ideas could lead me down an exciting  path, who knows.

Maybe in the springtime, when the sun comes out, my ideas will come to blossom ...... 

Keep calm as life is pretty special after all

I have always thought of myself as a glass half full kind of gal.  I strive to look at the positives in life and not focus on too many of the negatives. I'm not sure I was always like this, but I know for the last  decade or so I  really tried to adopt this mindset.

I didn't notice that my attitude may have been changing awhile ago. I'm pretty sure it was around the time of my breakup. I guess that is only natural when you are going through a significant and unwanted life change.   When I suddenly realised the path I thought I was meant to take, was now not the right one. That I had to turn around and walk the long, dark road back to the fork and then forge out a new path on my own.

I think any significant life change can bring about these unwelcome and depressed feelings. Its never easy I guess, so you could say my positive approach to life was slowly engulfed in a dark cloud of negativity, cynicism and resentment. I forgot how to see the good in the world. It all looked grey to me. I was so incredibly lucky to have Darby, who turned out to be my little beacon who shone the light on my new path. He  kept me going, and gave me hope that one day our future would be bright.

So I remember getting the above card for myself at Typo some time in late 2010. At the time I thought it was great. It rang true to my hurt and the pain I was feeling. Pessimistic much? 

I think I liked its sarcasm and its hopelessness. So representative of my dejected feelings.  I stuck it on my inspiration board that overlooks my bed and that I reflect on every evening before I sleep.  

I suppose I noticed my attitude to life slowly shifting late last year. After I turned 33, I decided that feeling happy was the answer. I know that is quite simplistic, but there was a definite turn in the positive direction, yet that card still hung above my bed and I would almost flinch when I  looked at it everyday.

So today a funny little thing happened. I had this urge, a real urge I couldn't shake. I knew what I wanted to do and when I arrived home after a morning out with one of my dear dear friends, I walked into my room, pulled it down and ripped it in half {oh and then photographed it before throwing in the bin, never to be seen again}. You know what ? It felt amazing! 

I have come a long way since the day I got this. This card has no relevance in my life anymore. I actually think this life  I'm living is pretty darn great! 

Yes I know there are truly crappy times, and periods when things are so so hard, but my overall sense of happiness and joy has blossomed and my opinion on life has shifted.

Life is meant to be a roller coaster. These adversities make us grow stronger, build our resilience,  perseverance, compassion, gratitude and love. They give us character and depth. They shows us how strong you can be and how emotions can grow, change and heal.
I think it is incredibly important that when we are in the midst of these negative times that we are kind to ourselves, that we grieve what has been lost and try our best to appreciate life afterwards. We need to go through that whole grief cycle  (for me that took 2 and a half years!).  Its amazing when you come out of that dark cloud and the clarity you can see.

So now in 2013 I see bright things, happy things, so much hope for the future,  a life  to be enjoyed and  nurtured.  I have seen the fragility of life,  experienced  the immense joy and monumental heartache, I know this is all part of life's course. These are the things we cannot control.
It is the way you feel in your heart and mind that you can and I know that sounds so naive of me, but it has worked in my situation.  I realised if I didn't just love my life or myself just as it is, no one was going to make me. (Very Mr Darcy, I know!)  It was my responsibility to cultivate my own love and happiness from the inside out.  

Its up to me and me only.

Now I am  just after a new card that reflects how I feel!


Until next time

The year that was...

So  I'm a few days late with the 2012 au revoirs! The whole year seemed to go at rapid speed, that even the end of the year caught up with me and it was gone before I knew it (or posted about it!)   

It's  now done and dusted.  It was a year of  amazing new journeys  and incredible moments. It  also had some very sad ones too. 

It was a year of acceptance for me, and for continuing with challenges that the last few years have thrown me.

There was plenty of coffee drinking,  loads of adventures with Darby and just some everyday life thrown in too, oh and an overseas trip in the middle!

It was a roller coaster of a year, but really isn't life a bit like one giant ride on the Scenic Railway! 

I am looking at 2013 with such excitement and anticipation.  I have a feeling  it will be a fantastic year no matter what happens.  It is going to be a year of big changes for both myself and for Darby.

We cope well with change. It keeps us motivated and learning.   Darby will be at School and his little mind will be learning so much.  I  on the other hand will have some time in the day to myself, such a new thing,  I'm not sure how I will fill these 12 hours a week, but I'm sure I will find a way! 

It is going to be a year where I will have fun and I will make it my number one priority! And whats not to love about that. 

As a little tribute the year gone by, I have compiled a few (that means alot) of my most treasured  photos from the year, as a reminder  to myself of what we have achieved as a little family unit of two. 

So long 2012.....

Tomorrow is a new day....

My fuse was short. My day was long. Not a great combination in my books. The start of my favourite month didn't go so well.

A grumpy child.

And a very very  grumpy mummy.

I am not feeling like myself at the moment.

I hope I start to soon.

I can feel the end of the year creeping up on me and more time passing. For me this is not a good thing, a year older and I feel a sense a panic that the best years are behind me,  that maybe I have already lived my best life.
Every day I know I am striving for better, but maybe it doesn't get better. 

This really isn't like me to be so negative, Ill let these feelings sit for now, as I know they will disappear soon, and I will be  back to my real self soon.

I'm making some positive changes this month for my body and mind, and I hope this will shift these thoughts that are plaguing me.

Only time will tell.....

Image via Pinterest 

Change is good

I have been a little lost of late. 

Not really thinking that my voice was very important.

I would log into my blog and feel this sick feeling. No words would come, no inspiration, nothing! Somewhere along the way I have  lost all my confidence in my articulation. Maybe I never had it to start with.

I somehow lost the ability to construct anything meaningful. 

I couldn't tell a story, I couldn't seem to use words anymore. Everything seemed to be bad, or forced or it was really really draining to do.  

I was comparing myself to others. 

The more I read, the more I felt this lack of confidence engulf my every being. What was I..me...doing writing. It just seemed absurd.   That lack of confidence thats plagued me my whole life was rearing its ugly head again. 

It was like I didn't belong here. I thought about pulling my blog down, maybe starting again when the inspiration did come. But somehow after thinking about it.  I  just couldn't bring myself do it. All those words lost, and that would be 19 months down the metaphoric drain. And then what, just forget all about that. 

No I couldn't do it, I have changed so much since it began, its an extension of myself. 

It wasn't until my sister pointed out how my blog  didn't really look like me,  wasn't a representation of the real me. 

(Maybe that was a reason why I didn't feel inspired!)

This comment coming from the person that knows me best was like a light bulb moment. Yes it stung, but in a good way. A bolt of lightening.  And I agreed with her,  I looked at it from another perspective and yes, it wasn't really me. 

That was by  no means a reflection on the design, because I asked for it to look the way it did. I was explicit in what I wanted and how I wanted it to look, but I had no idea really, I just thought that was how it should look. I loved it, but now 8 months on, I realise it doesn't really reflect me or my life, or where I am right now.  

So on Monday I pulled it all down, I had no idea what I was doing, I was sure I was going to lose the plot after 10 minutes, but I kept on going. 

So now here it is, different. shiny, new, and all by me! 

I'm not sure I like it yet, or whether it is a representation of the real me, but its a work in progress, it maybe closer.  I need more photos, because thats who I am, a photo taker. Not with a fancy pants camera (I wish I had one) just my iphone and me snapping away at every life moment! 

It is now my work in progress, and really that is what my blog is and always has been.  An evolving place to share my life, my ups and downs and the reality's of a new life I have created for myself and Darby. Living with a choice to go my own way.

From speaking with some friends the other day, I want to keep this space  real, keep stuffing up , keep my bad articulation. So what! Its my place, it can be what I want it to be. 

Its funny to think I blogged for over 6 months just about coffee with only 1 single comment to keep me going. So I know I can blog for me, its in there, I just need to unlock that magic again!

No more worrying about what I could be. I just want to focus on what I am and I have no doubt the changes will come from within. 

And as I sign off now, I am feeling a little less lost than I did 30 minutes ago, and thats a start! 

Image

One door closes and another one will open

image credit

So next week I'm leaving my work... a workplace I have known for 10 long years, 9 months and weeks and  hours I cannot even count, (well since I was a tender young 21 years)

My work has been the one stable part of my life.. I have changed jobs while I have been there, several times in fact, but I have never made the move, leap of faith, to leave..

So when recently I was told my role was redundant, but  I had the choice of another role or to leave.. I took the riskier option and decided if there was ever a time to take a leap of faith.. maybe it should be now! I knew my time was up and as scary as it was I knew I had to take a chance on myself!
My resilience that has grown over the last few years has allowed me to deal with these changes in my stride... There were moments when I had a good old cry about it, oh why me..  but I  realise it is not the end of the world, in fact  I think it will be the best thing  I could do,  a good old push to change this part of my life!  I know if this had happened at any other time I might not have been able to cope, but I was looking for change and it came and found me!
So I have 7 days of work left and am trying to cram as much knowledge into a word document as physically possible! Slogging away late at night and coming in early.. they sure are getting the most out of my time this week!  Im sure it wont even matter what I leave.. but  at least I can leave knowing I have transferred all the information to someone else!

Its a funny thing looking back over my work life.. I tend to remember all the things that were happening in my personal life at the same time, I really have lived out my whole adulthood here, so I can sum up my life in the number of years I have been at work (well this is major  major paraphrasing!) : 
- I have been single, young, footloose and fancy free for at least 3 years
- I had a Hip reconstruction
- I had various surgeries as a consequence
- I still kept going out... drinking and partying as any 23 year old would
- I had a knee reconstruction 
- I got a boyfriend
- We moved in together
- I had a hip replacement 
- I got Pregnant "Surprise!"
- We had a baby and I had 8 months off work 
- I went back to work 
- We went to all of our friends weddings
- I had many birthdays - I turned the big 30 and had a mini meltdown to match!
- I didnt know what was yet to come!!
-  I became single again (this time wasn't so fun) 
- I moved out of the house that was my home for 6 years (tears now!)
- I moved into my own apartment 
- I soldiered on as life as a single mum
- And I think Im doing a pretty good job at it (even though it is now 6.11pm and I am still at work!!)
And I'm about to move into the big,  scary  unknown world out there... 
I cant wait for my next Adventure!!!!

Here's my favourite Steve Jobs quote.... one that actually helped make my final decision... Thanks Steve for the wisdom....

Until next time... Life is too short to drink crappy coffee

Linking up with Jess at Diary of a SAHM for

 

image from pinterest