Adventures of June

What an extraordinary start to Winter. Its funny to think that in one short month I have made some  exciting and scary life changes.  I call it putting destiny in my own hands.

Now when I look back over June I would have to say it was my greatest month so far this year.

I have dreaded June for oh so long, but I think I am past all of that now. I approached it from such a different mindset and although I did let myself grieve a little for the life lost, I embraced all the the remarkable things that are happening in my life too.

In embracing this new found zest, I found that I had some confidence, not much, but just enough to make some big big changes of the serious risk taking kind.   I have tried new and wondrous things.
I have stepped way out of the border of that comfort zone I have myself imprisoned in and have enjoyed so many new adventures.

I know life is going to get tremendously busy  and much trickier to navigate, but to be honest I wouldn't have it any other way.

I want to make sure I have memories of each month, as I can see the rest of this year is going to be swallowed up with work/study/parenting/sleep on repeat.  So I thought I would start to document my favourite moments of each month to remind myself of all the wonder in my life. 

Here are a few of my favourite June moments...

~ I got all dressed up with my gorgeous friend to see the Great Gatsby. We were supporting a local charity "Women of the West",  more specifically for  Women's Health West,  who are based in Footscray. These amazing ladies are committed to improving equity and justice for women in Melbourne’s western region. They provide shelter for women and their children escaping family violence.  Such a great cause to get behind. We couldn't not go! 

I also loved seeing my favourite book made into a film. The story always breaks my heart, but I do still think I like the Robert Redford/Mia Farrow version better!

~ Spending time with my dear friend Pip, from Bub, Sweat and Tears. We attended the Mind, Body Spirit festival in Melbourne. Not everything there was for us, but we sought out the things that we wanted and came away with some great products. My favourite was the Cacao Cashew Clusters. An amazing sweet treat and energy booster in one!  You only need a small handful to get rid of any sweet cravings! 

I just love spending time with great friends, I love the laughter and energy and I come away feeling so rejuvenated and inspired. 

~ My little guy is growing so damn fast. It wasn't all that long ago he couldn't write a thing and now he is writing the names of his favourite superheroes! Bless his little heart! Soon he will be writing his own stories!  He has a glorious little imagination, I cannot wait to see where his writing will take him. 

~ I spent two Saturdays of June going to local Farmers markets in my area. I am so lucky that my local one is right across the road from me. I love to go and wander, Darby gets his face painted and I pick up some yummy local produce. 

My sister and I went to the Ceres Farmers market in Brunswick. It has a brilliant array of produce and awesome health food shop on site as well. 

~ Afternoons out with my little guy.  Every week he grows some more and I am trying to take in his 5 year old soul for as long as possible, before long he will be at birthday number 6 (gulp). 

~ We had our first parent teacher interview. It was a time for us to hear what the teacher had to say about Darby's progress at school.   I was a little scared,  I feel like it wasn't that long ago that my mum was going to my interviews!

These  were some of  the words his teacher used to describe him -   delightful, compassionate, cheeky, a beautiful heart, resilient, adaptable to change, all reflective of how he must have been bought up.   My heart swelled  and although I had to fight back the tears, I felt a little bit proud.

~ I helped my gorgeous sister move into the most stunning apartment.  It has character and warmth and I now love spending time there. It is even closer to me which is an extra bonus! I have spent so much time there now, it is like my second home. 

~ I made the most of the plethora of health books and dvds my sister has and started reading and watching in any spare moment I had. My favourites were Food Matters, Hungry for Change and Lets be Frank. All motivational and all leading me to some big decisions about what I want to do!

~ I discovered a love for Spirulina, I started taking this in May to help cure my cold, and I have been addicted ever since. My energy levels are so much higher and I really notice it if I haven't had it for a day!

~ Darby and I began meditating. Thanks to some recommendations from the lovely and wise Amelia at Nurture and Shine  I finally downloaded some apps on my phone.  Darby likes the Smiling Mind, whereas I prefer Headspace (I love the sound of the guys voice!)  We haven't looked back really, although we need to do them more in the day time to relax our mind, instead of in bed as we often both just nod off to sleep.

~ It took me a long time to discover my local Japanese restaurant, but I am so glad I did. I have become rather addicted. Their sushi is the best I have had, fresh and nutritious and the Miso soup is so nourishing and warming, I have fallen for it hard. Luckily Darby has adopted Japanese as his favourite food too. We have been here a few times for dinner now, its very popular in the area and you have to book ahead. 

http://www.ajitoya.com.au

~Lastly I took the plunge and applied for  the course I had been wanting to do for so long. It felt so right and I now feel complete. 

I am eager to start, even though I am petrified of the unknown, and how I will manage it with everything else, the time is just right and there is no point holding back now! I'm going to give it a good old crack! I have overcome other challenges in life, and this is just another one.

I just have to have the end game in sight to keep me motivated along the way. I think a vision board is calling my name! 

Until next time...  

The Batman love affair continues

For the past 18 months or so Batman has featured heavily in our lives. He is Darby's greatest love, well apart from me and his dad I hope (although I do question that from time to time!)

A boy at the age of five,  I can kind of get that! Batman, is strong, cool under pressure, rather witty and someone with a strict moral code.

He is a leader, and a friend. He is an only child but has many allies. Unlike all other superheroes he doesn't have any superpowers, none at all.  He is just someone who is passionate about what he believes in and has worked really hard to make himself powerful not only physically but mentally. (Maybe I should take a leaf out of his book!)  

I remind Darby of these qualities every day, and when the costume comes out, Darby tries his best to embody that character,  to stand up taller, to stride with confidence, to be friendly and to look out for others. It is adorable to watch!

So this week when he put the costume on and asked me kindly to put on his mask and cape, I  just couldn't  say no. 

I do shake my head a little, but mostly I walk next to him, hand in hand,  with pride in my eyes.

Until Next time,

8/52

My little boy is looking so grown up. A big 5 and a half year old. 

He is getting taller by the day, his arms and legs are growing at rapid speed!  It seems all his pants are too short.

His face is maturing too. Maybe its from being a big school kid now, or just the growing process,  but I can definitely see these changes everyday.

Its so exciting (and a little bit sad for me.  My baby is no baby anymore!)

This photo was taken on our Friday night in at home!  We have a bit of a routine happening, we get dinner at 5pm (Darby's choice!), and get straight into our PJ's, kick off our shoes and just relax.  Normally we are both in bed by 7.30pm.  Its by far  my favourite part of the week.

The big sigh that another week of school and work is now behind us!

Linking up in this incredible project with Jodi at Che and Fidel! 

Until next time 

The start of a new era

I woke up this morning with a funny feeling in my stomach,  I was sure it would be cured  by a hearty breakfast, or at least a coffee, but that funny feeling stuck around and soon it travelled up towards my heart.

It did feel like heartburn, but I knew it wasn't, It was an ache. 

I knew exactly what the cause was, I just didn't want to face the feeling.  I know its  just life and all,  just another big milestone to face.

But its big, Tomorrow really is the first day of the rest of my life. Our life. The start of the school journey for Darby.  My heart aches. 

Melodramatic much. Its normal I think. 

I know I can be a drama queen at times, but I just cant ignore that feeling. That heaviness, mixed with excitement and fear and trepidation. The tears that sit ever so close to the surface. I know it wont take much to tip me over and for them to come flooding out.  Not much at all. 

They have surfaced a few times over the past week over nothing in particular, just all those little things that represent the growing up of my little guy. 

I know I am certainly not alone in this, I know of many other mammas feeling much the same as me. I am sure these intense unknown feelings will pass, as I gently pace myself through the next little while  getting used to not having my little buddy around.

I knew this day was coming the moment he entered this world. I couldn't be more happy for him. It is the next step, and I am just really so excited for him.  I am sure his social little personality will love it,  thrive in it and soak it in.

He is so ready. So ready to learn more, to socialise, to learn more ways of the world. Things I can no longer teach him on my own.

I know he is an adaptable little fellow. He has had so much change in the past 5 years, and he really has for the most part just gone with flow.

As I have prepared his uniforms, baked biscuits for school lunches and labelled the bejesus of anything that is to set foot inside the school, there has been this feeling of letting  him go a little.  

He will be finding his own place in the world, without me holding his hand every step of the way. I will always be there from the sidelines, but I have to let him make his own choices, make his own mistakes, speak for himself all while still gently guiding him through lovingly and as best I can. 

I'm also a bit worried about how I will go... I don't have another child to focus my attention on now.  That person to focus on is myself.

I am used to spending time apart from him , but this is different and on a much more permanent basis.

Darby has been my little saviour. Without him over the last 3 years I would have been lost. 

He was my  little light when everything else went dark. He needed me as much as I needed him. He kept me going through all those really hard times.

So in a way whilst I am setting him free into the wide world of school, he is at the same time setting me free  to find my feet again- albeit only 14 hours a week!  

Whilst he sits in school and intently listens to his teacher, and makes new friend, its time for his mum  to discover herself with no labels, no limits. The possibilities are endless really.  

It will take some getting used to,  this new freedom. It will be so foreign.  He will be learning, and so will I.  Learning to incorporate all the things that I love back into my life.  Its exciting and I am sure it  will be fun journey to be on.

And at the end of each day we will have so many exciting stories to tell each other,  I just can't wait for that.

So here is to a very new and very exciting year for the both of us.   After the tears dry up of course.

Until next time

Linking up with Gorgeous Grace here

Happy Xmas...

2012 has been a very up and down year for me. It has been a big one, thats for sure and it has gone ridiculously fast! 

Flown by really, and I am so glad that I am ending the year on a happy note. Feeling happy on the inside and injecting happiness into my life! Its a really positive way to end the year. 

Just wanted to wish everyone a wonderful and very happy Xmas and start to 2013. 

Lets hope it is an awesome year for everyone. 

Until next time, Life is too short for crappy coffee

Cleaning out the cobwebs

This weekend past, I did some clearing out, some cleansing of sorts. It was time to detox my  little apartment. 

I haven't been able to see my bedroom floor for some time now,  I just had too much stuff laying around,  stuff that wasn't being used, needed or appreciated. 

I had to be honest with myself, some of this stuff has been here for 2 and a half years waiting to be unpacked from  the other  big move. I  knew I was ignoring it, not wanting to deal with it, but really it was getting ridiculous! 

Enough was enough! 

So on Saturday I enlisted the help of my very kind sister (on the proviso I bought her lunch!) to help me tackle this massive headache, on a 37 degree day no less. 

My motto was to be completely ruthless, I didn't wear half of these clothes, I knew they would be better off in another home, loved by someone else. I tried not to let my emotions come into play, otherwise I wouldn't want to part with anything. 

And throw out we did!  I filled 7 garbage bags  full of clothes. And without a second thought (and before I changed my mind) we jumped in the car and took them to Savers in Footscray. A  very kind young man came out and helped me get them out of the car and off they went to a better home,  to be treasured by someone who needs them.  I felt very proud of myself! 

I also felt lighter already! Next it was onto the other random things  that have  taken up space in my room. Another 5 bags of garbage was collected. It is still to go in the bin as the my bin was rather full after the first few bags, but its all going! 

On Sunday I was on a roll and decided it was time to do Darby's room too. So we sat for hours and went through all his toys and books.  Donating at least half of his toys, and half  his books.  He was reluctant at first, but then he was fine, and was really honest about what he did and didn't want to keep. 

We donated them to the Op Shop again. I kept a few of his really special books that he has outgrown, but I just cant part with.  I will offer these to his cousin and to  friends with younger children. 

He loves books and they have always been so important in his life.  Giving most away was just another realisation that my little boy is growing up fast. 

I decided to re gift a few of his all time favourites last week. They deserve to bring others joy as much as they have brought us joy.  

Our House is now surrounded in rubbish bags but once they are gone, we will have more room and less mess. 

I feel less stressed already, waking up to a much brighter and clearer room and head.  I can go to bed feeling at peace. I know that I can survive on minimal clothes, and Darby can survive and thrive on minimal toys.  We really  don't need much to be happy,  just each other. 

I am so glad I have done this before Xmas.  We can start the New Year afresh.  I also feel like my spark is coming back, and I think it has to do with removing all  of these  cobwebs from my life,  hopefully to bring  about some new  and exciting beginnings. 

How often do you Spring Clean your things? 

Until next time, 

The perils of driving!

Its not all that uncommon for me to have a lapse in judgement when I'm driving. I have never made it  unknown that I am not a great driver.
I have never seen myself featured on "Worlds worst drivers" (that I know of) but I'm certainly not the best.

I have been known to back into poles (how the hell did they get there) swerve parked cars (explains a missing side mirror). I have driven the wrong way down one way streets, with oncoming traffic yelling abuse at me.  My latest most traumatising moment this year was when I  reversed parked and  then somehow got the front of my car hooked in a rather large tow bar resulting in the front of my car being  completely ripped off!!  Oh and how the list  could go on....

So its no surprise that being a passenger in my car can be a little nerve wracking! 

I had one such crazy driving incident this weekend. I was happily driving Darby around on a nice afternoon out . We were staying with my mum and dad in the country and just relaxing. That's what I do when I am here, just relax. So whether that relaxing hampered my driving skills I don't know. 

Anyway I overshot a right hand turn, only to realise I was in fact turning into a one way street, with no other option but to drive down it the wrong way. The first thing that popped out of my mouth was not a very nice one, one I try not to say ever in front of Darby, but when I am driving I really do have poor lapse in judgement and forget I have a  child in the back seat. A child that picks up everything I say, even if it is under my breath. Arrgghh

But, before the "I'm so sorry Darbs for mums big mistake" could slip from my lips for my parenting fail, he piped up from the back, "That's ok mum, you will just have to be more careful next time."  I'm not sure whether he was referring to my swearing or my driving, but I agreed with him. "Yes mum will be much more careful next time". 
Oh the wisdom beyond his five years, cool calm and collected in a crisis, not like his erratic, poor driving mother! 

Oh to be Brave and Bold

I was so inspired by Cherie from over at Raising Master Max and her story of how kind she was to a complete stranger.  It really  did make me  evaluate all the things I do and whether I too, have that generosity gene.

This week though the tables were turned and Darby played the part of the kindness receiver.  A random act of kindness touched us both. It was such a simple but heartwarming thing, and I cannot stop thinking about it.

I suppose the story doesn't make sense without being told in its entirety. 

Over the past few months Darby has developed a little bit of a man crush! This crush is not on a celebrity or a superhero,  but just  a regular guy! 

This said guy happens to work at one of Melbourne's best cafes. So we frequent there for coffee quite a lot,  maybe once a fortnight, or if Darby has his way, once a week.

Darby and this waiter have developed quite a bond, mainly due to  some common ground. - they both love superheroes.   

They happily chat mostly about Batman, but really any kind of man with superpowers will do. This may seem so trivial, but Darby's face lights up when we walk in there.  Our waiter always meets us at the door,  Darby keen to show him a shirt he is wearing, or some little toy he has with him. 

Its this enthusiasm that is so beautiful to watch. With each conversation they have I can literally see his eyes light up with happiness.  

I sit back and enjoy my coffee, as they talk about Green Lantern, The Flash, Robin, The Brave and the Bold and Batman. I am knowledgeable in all of these areas now, but I probably don't converse  with the same level of gusto that these two lovers of superheroes do.
On one occasion this young waiter delivered me a little piece of paper that had the name of a Comic store in the city where there would be age appropriate material for Darby. I thought that this was such a sweet gesture.

On the next occasion we were there, he came over to apologise that he hadn't been able to chat to Darby and as we were leaving, I felt a tap on the shoulder, I turned around, and our waiter was there. He said for Darby and I to come in next week and he would have a comic for him. Again so sweet.

We didn't get in the next week. Life caught up to us, we were busy and just didn't get have a chance.  We did go again, but it was so busy he barely had time to talk to us.  I could tell in Darby's face how disappointed he was when this happens.  (I on the other hand feel as though I am stalking this poor guy)

We went again on Monday, Darby entering with his Batman mask, to a big clap from our waiter. He was excited to see him! We sat down and ordered drinks.

Probably 10 minutes later I saw our waiter approach us.

He had something in his hands.

It was a comic book

As he bent down next to Darby, he presented him with a brand new Batman - Brave and the Bold comic, all wrapped up!

I really did feel my heart skip a beat at this guys kindness. He doesn't know me, or Darby. We are just customers, who come in for coffee. Yet he went 1000 times above and beyond his role to make my little mans day.

Not many people do these kinds of things, especially for those that you hardly know. I was simply touched. I wanted to reach out and hug him, but resisted the urge to. Darby's little face just lit up. He was shocked too. All he could say was wow, wow, wow.

I am not sure Darb's can feel those feelings of gratitude yet, but this was a perfect chance for me to  help instill them. He did understand that this is not a normal present, that this is an out the ordinary  gift. He sat there amazed flipping through his new book.

He whispered to me, "Mum, this is pretty special" (I couldn't agree with him more!) 

 The comic book  has not  left his side since.

So tomorrow we are off to pick out a card, Batman of course as a thank-you for this kind gift.   I know one thing for sure we will be lifelong customers to this cafe...

Change is good

I have been a little lost of late. 

Not really thinking that my voice was very important.

I would log into my blog and feel this sick feeling. No words would come, no inspiration, nothing! Somewhere along the way I have  lost all my confidence in my articulation. Maybe I never had it to start with.

I somehow lost the ability to construct anything meaningful. 

I couldn't tell a story, I couldn't seem to use words anymore. Everything seemed to be bad, or forced or it was really really draining to do.  

I was comparing myself to others. 

The more I read, the more I felt this lack of confidence engulf my every being. What was I..me...doing writing. It just seemed absurd.   That lack of confidence thats plagued me my whole life was rearing its ugly head again. 

It was like I didn't belong here. I thought about pulling my blog down, maybe starting again when the inspiration did come. But somehow after thinking about it.  I  just couldn't bring myself do it. All those words lost, and that would be 19 months down the metaphoric drain. And then what, just forget all about that. 

No I couldn't do it, I have changed so much since it began, its an extension of myself. 

It wasn't until my sister pointed out how my blog  didn't really look like me,  wasn't a representation of the real me. 

(Maybe that was a reason why I didn't feel inspired!)

This comment coming from the person that knows me best was like a light bulb moment. Yes it stung, but in a good way. A bolt of lightening.  And I agreed with her,  I looked at it from another perspective and yes, it wasn't really me. 

That was by  no means a reflection on the design, because I asked for it to look the way it did. I was explicit in what I wanted and how I wanted it to look, but I had no idea really, I just thought that was how it should look. I loved it, but now 8 months on, I realise it doesn't really reflect me or my life, or where I am right now.  

So on Monday I pulled it all down, I had no idea what I was doing, I was sure I was going to lose the plot after 10 minutes, but I kept on going. 

So now here it is, different. shiny, new, and all by me! 

I'm not sure I like it yet, or whether it is a representation of the real me, but its a work in progress, it maybe closer.  I need more photos, because thats who I am, a photo taker. Not with a fancy pants camera (I wish I had one) just my iphone and me snapping away at every life moment! 

It is now my work in progress, and really that is what my blog is and always has been.  An evolving place to share my life, my ups and downs and the reality's of a new life I have created for myself and Darby. Living with a choice to go my own way.

From speaking with some friends the other day, I want to keep this space  real, keep stuffing up , keep my bad articulation. So what! Its my place, it can be what I want it to be. 

Its funny to think I blogged for over 6 months just about coffee with only 1 single comment to keep me going. So I know I can blog for me, its in there, I just need to unlock that magic again!

No more worrying about what I could be. I just want to focus on what I am and I have no doubt the changes will come from within. 

And as I sign off now, I am feeling a little less lost than I did 30 minutes ago, and thats a start! 

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Bedtime Revelations

Around these parts I am celebrating! A major event has occurred, I feel almost like a new person. We are not at the finish line yet, but we are slowly making our way there. 

You see I have shared my bed with Darby for the past 2 and a bit years! And now I have had a major major breakthrough! Yay!

When we moved to our little home in 2010 I tried to get Darby sleeping in his own little bed. 

A new home, a new bed, a new room, a new life. Maybe it was a little too much for me to  ask of him to adjust his little mind and body around all of this change. He was not even 3 and he suddenly didn't have his dad there to say goodnight. So its no wonder  at bedtime  he simply wanted to be close to his Mama.  

I don't blame him.

I just wanted to be close to him too.

I was all protective of his state of mind (ignoring my own) and I just wanted him to sleep, wherever he wanted to. 

I thought this sleeping in my bed  may last a month or two while we settled in to our new life,  but those toddlers, they make habits pretty darn fast, and before long it was the norm for him to share my queen size bed every single night.
No matter what I tried, (and I tried everything), I couldn't get him to sleep in his own bed. He just fought it, and fought it and cried that really scared little cry, and I caved in every time. 

I soon realised its hard to change a habit. In his world it was just what you did, sleep with mum.  It was his routine, his room was for play, not sleep!   I sought help from a paediatrician and implemented strategies, that worked for a day and then back to his old ways.

We had a plan to have him sleeping in his bed by the time school came around, and I wanted more than anything to have his bedtime routine sorted by then.
 He wouldn't go to bed unless I was there, so we were either going to bed really early, or really late. I just wanted a happy medium, and for his reliance on me being there all the time  to become less, to know I was in the next room if he needed anything.

Maybe I wasn't trying hard enough,  For me, I still enjoyed most aspects of our co-sleeping:  telling each other stories as we drifted off to sleep, waking up beside him in the morning,  hearing his steady breath  in the middle of the night .  Those are little joys of life that filled my every day. 

But I was beginning to enjoy less, the randoms kicks, whacks, prods  my body was receiving at all hours. My little boy was growing and he liked to move all around that bed in his sleep. I was always at  the receiving end of kicks and I had many a night where I was waking on every hour from a kick, push, whack, whatever.  OK its not the end of the world, but I would prefer to have my 5 year old kicking his own pillows.

And to be honest, I craved just a little alone time at night to relax, unwind, enjoy a cup of tea and just be (by myself)!
This was not happening and so my mental health was severely suffering.  With no day sleeps anymore, it was 14 hour days straight entertaining him  and some days I needed the day time sleep! I was exhausted!  I savour our days together, but the hours from 5pm-8pm, well they are most parents witching hours,  it was no different here too.

And then, the breakthrough ....

On Darby's 5th Birthday to be precise, a major milestone occurred!

My sister surprised him with a batman bedspread he had been eyeing off for some time. Ingenious!

The bedspread went right on his bed, and lo and behold he wanted to sleep in it straight away! Just like that!!!

So every night since then (bar the ones he is at his dads and grandparents) he has gone to sleep in his own bed! Amazing!

I read him a story and he just goes to sleep! Most nights he does end up back in my bed at 3am, 4am 5am, this doesn't worry me a bit and I will address it at another time!

At the moment I am just rejoicing his current bedtime routine! Its amazing! I feel like a new woman too, getting an hour or two to myself in the evening. Hallelujah!
Its almost 3 weeks now, and its becoming his norm to go to bed in his own bed, in his own room!

Its such a wonderful breakthrough! I knew it would happen one day, but I really didn't think a bedspread would hold that much power!

 I was wrong, so wrong!!

And as Robin so rightly puts it - " Holy Bedspreads Batman!!"

Happy Birthday Darby - Here is your birth story....

I have never really thought of sharing the story of how Darby entered the world. It wasn't really a thing I blogged about and I felt as though he was too old for me to do this. Yet on the eve of his 5th birthday I had this overwhelming urge to finally put it down on paper!
Its not as though his birth was so traumatic that I have blocked it from my mind. Quite the opposite really. 

As far as births go - and I've only done it once, it was a pretty blissful experience - (ok that may be exaggerating a lot). 
From what I remember it wasn't too bad although as the years pass the exact details are getting  a little hazy around the edges.  
I know this is one of those memories  that will never leave me but as he is getting older, I am getting further away from that Tuesday night in September 2007.  

In some way it is nice to have it documented somewhere for me and maybe even him to reflect on in years to come, and by then I'm sure to have forgotten more of the details (I struggled with parts writing this) ! 

So read or don't read this is a story for my little boy...

All throughout  my pregnancy, I would think about the birth, not so much the pain of it, but that magic moment that that baby of mine would be placed on my chest. The thought always made me tear up, the emotions would seem to bubble over and I would burst with this unknown love and happiness. I really didn't know how I was going to cope with the real thing. I thought about this moment every single day of my pregnancy, and it kept me going when I didn't think I had it in me any more. 

Darby's journey in my tummy was fairly smooth sailing, He was nice and cosy and happy in there sitting the right way the whole time  and really enjoying his time. I created a very happy home, maybe too comfy. I  had no expectation as to how big he would be, but from the size of me and my tummy I was hoping he was just a tad on the bigger side, to justify the size I was.  

I chose his name really early on, I just knew I was having a boy, so I called him Darby from the very start. I heard a celebrity had called his son that and I just got stuck on that name.  No others  resonated enough with me, I loved others, Aiden, Jacob & Spencer, but none of them felt the same. 
Dave was not convinced by my choice, he actually didn't like it all that much,  so I had alot of work to do to convince him.  A lot!

His due date was September 17, so that day I kept myself extra busy, I took myself off to the shops, I had a coffee in Borders  and read all of the Monday magazines.  I went grocery shopping, and lugged quite a few heavy bags back to the car, anything to start labour rolling.  I picked up some last minute things I  was sure to need in the delivery room;  lollies,  pack of cards and some more magazines! 
I kept getting messages from well meaning friends and relatives wishing me luck, but this just made me more nervous. I rang a couple to  let them know I was still waiting, and let a few more stew on it to think I may have been in labour ! I'm cruel like that!

I spoke to Dave countless times, I'm sure he was sick of me calling, but at the same time probably apprehensive about the whole thing himself!

That night came and went and still no sign of anything. I was one frustrated 40 week pregnant woman! 

I couldn't sleep all night, getting up so many times to empty my bladder, and at 5.30am I woke up feeling ultra uncomfortable so I got up and had a shower and dressed myself in my usual at home, heavily pregnant attire - tracksuit and one of Dave's t-shirts! 
I layed on the couch and started to have niggling pains and what  I thought to be small contractions. I never had Braxton Hicks, so I had no idea what to expect.  The pain wasn't that bad so I sent Dave to work.  The pains were bearable and I was sure he would irritate me if he sat around just waiting and wondering, he was not good at waiting,  so I was sure it would have slowed things down. 

I had planned on  going to the movies and seeing Hairspray in Yarraville, but decided against it, if I really was in labour I didn't want to have my waters break in a movie theatre watching a very cheesy movie. 
So I stuck to watching TV, I decided napping was the only way to survive morning television.
These contractions were coming every 20 minutes or so and then they would stop and go away for an hour.  I was getting frustrated when they would come back and then go away.
I went to the computer and googled "What do contractions feel like" I got various answers, "like back pain" "tightening of your stomach" "like period pain".
I could kind of put the pains I was having into one of those boxes, but I decided to ring the hospital just to ask some questions. 
I rang through and spoke to quite a huffy midwife.  I cant remember the exact conversation, but it went something like, 
Midwife: Is this your first baby? 
Me: Yes
Midwife: Have your waters broken?
Me: No
Midwife: Have you had a show?
Me: No.
Midwife: Are your contractions regular or 5 minutes apart? 
Me: No. 
Midwife: OK, you are not having any signs of active labour, so you are probably in for a long couple of days, make sure you get some rest. 
Me: Great, just great..
It seemed as though I was wasting her time. She then mentioned or warned me if I called 3 times I would have to come in to be monitored. 

So I just napped again, pains coming and going but not getting worse. I am not sure how I filled the day, other thank laying on the couch and watching bad daytime TV and surfing the net.

I called Dave at 3 or 4 when it felt as though the pains were getting slightly worse. I asked him to come home and pick up dinner.  I called the hospital again. To say I was in a little more pain, I spoke to the same midwife. I'm sure she was annoyed again. No more signs really except for more pain. She advised me to go and take some panadol or panadeine if I had it - I was most likely in for a very long night! 

I popped some panadol, which did absolutely nothing. 

I just felt like the company at this point to relieve the boredom. Dave came home and we organised dinner.  He picked up some fan bloody tastic  lamb steaks, from our local butchers, marinated in rosemary and mint.  I didn't feel like a whole heap, so I just had a few bites even though they were beautiful. We then decided it was a great idea to clean out the fridge.  We were trying to kill some time, Oh the things you do when you think you think you are in labour. At this point it was about 7.30pm and my contractions were stronger. We started watching TV and for some reason we were watching Poker tournaments on Foxtel, I handled this ok, until the pain was almost unbearable. 
My contractions were still all over the shop, every 10 minutes, then every 2 and then 5.  I was getting so frustrated with Dave and his counting, I knew it wasn't his fault, but I was starting to get annoyed! I turned to him and said "Turn that f***ing Poker off" - and with that it was Game on! 
I went to the toilet and had a show!! I freaked out, but was ok. The pain was getting pretty horrible and contractions were every 2 minutes. I thought it may be a good idea to have a shower, as I was about to get in, I had this overwhelming urge to push - oh oh. 

I think this was showtime and I wasn't really meant to be mucking around at home. How could it be, it didn't feel like I had been in labour long enough, I was expecting to be in this state for days. 

I told Dave to call the hospital and tell them we were coming in! We left home at around 9.30. The 15 minute drive to the hospital was the most painful of them all. I couldn't get comfortable, and the contractions were really strong.  Of course we managed to encounter a road train crossing, which took up 5 -10 minutes, or what felt like a lifetime! At this point I told Dave to turn the car around and go home, I had, had enough - alarm bells went off in my head as I remember that kind of talking came right right at the end when you could do no more. 
My contractions were coming thick and fast and the urge to push was strong, oh crap, I was going to have this baby by the edge of the roadside! 

Luckily that didn't occur and I think I sighed a little when we arrived at the hospital at  right on 10.00pm.  On the walk from the car to the door I had to stop every couple of moments to get through a contraction.   A guy walked past just staring at us, I was glad it was late at night, but I really didn't give a hoot. 
We arrived at St Vincents, and Dave checked us in. I had contractions all the way up to the delivery suite. 

I walked in to the suite and went straight to the bathroom to get dressed into a hospital gown , on the toilet there was a big gush and my waters broke. I came out in my glamorous  robe and onto the bed  and I  began pushing straight away,  I was fully dilated. 

I asked for pain relief,  but the lovely midwife said the only pain relief I would be getting would be having this baby, although she set up the gas to make me feel better. 

They called my obstetrician who luckily lived around the corner and he arrived 10 minutes later.  I didn't know how the pushing was going to work with my hip replacement, but it just did, I layed on my side, with Dave giving me ice and telling me to keep my chin down. It all happened so fast, all of a sudden, they told me to stop pushing and start panting (no time to feel like a dog at this point!), the head was out, and then a few more pushes and there at 10.51pm he was, pulled out and  that magical moment where he was placed on my chest. My little boy.


Those tears I thought I would have didn't come, instead the happiest smile broke out across my face, I beamed from ear to ear as I looked down at this little boy I loved so much already. I looked up at Dave, his cheeks were wet from his tears, the ones I thought I would have. I don't remember the rest, being stitched up or the placenta, I just spent time gazing into this little boys eyes.  

No time for cameras, no time for card games, you were in a big hurry to get out. 
Darby weighed 8 pound 6, 51cm and was squishy and chubby and just perfect. Both him and I went into shock, but some kind of delirious, happy shock. He didn't cry and he sure as hell didn't want to eat. 

We tried to call my mum and dad, but the phone rang out , we tried again and the same thing! So I called my sister. Woke her up from her sleep! Took a few moments for her to register with her that she had become an Aunty. She was very excited (and our first visitor the next day!) Eventually my mum called me back. I said, "mum you are a grandmother" - she was taken aback and again it took her awhile to register that my baby had already arrived! {It turns out they had got stuck into the red wine that night and were in a deep sleep when I called!!}

There he was, my perfect little bundle of joy, so cliched, but oh so true. He has become my right hand man through those 5 years, it has been such an honour to watch him grow.

Now he is five, and growing up so quickly! 

Happy Birthday Darb's,  Love you heaps my little man. Thank you for being you! 

Today I am linking up with the delightful Jess at Diary of SAHM  (hope she is feeling better after her wisdom teeth extraction!) for

Until next time, Life is too short for crappy coffee