This past week of mine

It has been a big week  or two in our house hold. The biggest that I can remember since becoming our own little family of two a few years ago.  Lots of changes, new routines and so many emotions.

It will take some time to get used to the  whole new world of school, we will get there I am sure.  Its just a matter of seeing it out. I have 6 more years  of primary school to go! 

I thought I would share the emotions I have gone through over the past week. {I might save Darby's  feelings  for another post} 

I have felt nervous, scared, elated, overwhelmed, out of control, torn, superfluous.  

I have felt the gentle letting go of my only child into someone else's care for 30 or so hours a week. I have had to surrender that control. My heart skips a beat every time I drop him off.  I must seem to be  such an overbearing mother smothering him in kisses and "I love yous" but I just cant help it. I cant stop myself. Im sure I am not the only one. 

I have felt happy, I have felt proud, the proudest I can possibly be, I have felt grateful, thankful and I have felt  free.

I have felt lonely without my buddy,  like something is missing all the time. My coffee time just doesn't seem right without him by my side.

I have juggled balls, many many balls in the air. That push and pull of the working parent has been  front of mind this week. Its bloody hard organising everything. 

I have finally exercised my body and I have let my mind have a rest, a much needed rest.  

I have laughed and grinned, I have also cried and weeped and I have never been so tired.  By Friday afternoon  I knew what exhaustion felt like. Trying to hold it all together was sure to unravel itself at some point and its always at the end of the week when things go downhill. 

I have welcomed new friendships, I am optimistic to see what happens.  I have put the time in to nurture old ones too, they are just as important to me. 

I have been excited, excited to be able to see myself in him. That ants in your pants excitable 5 year old. I was once like that and I even remember it! 

I have felt like a failure, but I feel like I am doing the best that I can. I am proud of myself. Doing this on my own  is tough.

I am thankful for those around me, that cushion me through this time. Even if they are not here in person , they support me from the sidelines, offer support, advice and let me know its all ok. All of these feelings, they have happened to so many other mamas and they got through it too. 

I am now  part of a club, The school mums club, lots of lessons yet to learn, but Im sure Ill be an old hack at it soon. 

I am excited, This future of ours is bright.....

Its always going to be a roller coaster of a ride, but  the lesson I have really learnt these past few years  is to go with the flow and that the only way to survive is to close your eyes and hold on tight when going down the dips, because the highs are just so so worth it.

Linking up with Maxabella for  52 Weeks of Grateful here