Around these parts I am celebrating! A major event has occurred, I feel almost like a new person. We are not at the finish line yet, but we are slowly making our way there.
You see I have shared my bed with Darby for the past 2 and a bit years! And now I have had a major major breakthrough! Yay!
When we moved to our little home in 2010 I tried to get Darby sleeping in his own little bed.
A new home, a new bed, a new room, a new life. Maybe it was a little too much for me to ask of him to adjust his little mind and body around all of this change. He was not even 3 and he suddenly didn't have his dad there to say goodnight. So its no wonder at bedtime he simply wanted to be close to his Mama.
I don't blame him.
I just wanted to be close to him too.
I was all protective of his state of mind (ignoring my own) and I just wanted him to sleep, wherever he wanted to.
I was all protective of his state of mind (ignoring my own) and I just wanted him to sleep, wherever he wanted to.
I thought this sleeping in my bed may last a month or two while we settled in to our new life, but those toddlers, they make habits pretty darn fast, and before long it was the norm for him to share my queen size bed every single night.
No matter what I tried, (and I tried everything), I couldn't get him to sleep in his own bed. He just fought it, and fought it and cried that really scared little cry, and I caved in every time.
No matter what I tried, (and I tried everything), I couldn't get him to sleep in his own bed. He just fought it, and fought it and cried that really scared little cry, and I caved in every time.
I soon realised its hard to change a habit. In his world it was just what you did, sleep with mum. It was his routine, his room was for play, not sleep! I sought help from a paediatrician and implemented strategies, that worked for a day and then back to his old ways.
We had a plan to have him sleeping in his bed by the time school came around, and I wanted more than anything to have his bedtime routine sorted by then.
He wouldn't go to bed unless I was there, so we were either going to bed really early, or really late. I just wanted a happy medium, and for his reliance on me being there all the time to become less, to know I was in the next room if he needed anything.
We had a plan to have him sleeping in his bed by the time school came around, and I wanted more than anything to have his bedtime routine sorted by then.
He wouldn't go to bed unless I was there, so we were either going to bed really early, or really late. I just wanted a happy medium, and for his reliance on me being there all the time to become less, to know I was in the next room if he needed anything.
Maybe I wasn't trying hard enough, For me, I still enjoyed most aspects of our co-sleeping: telling each other stories as we drifted off to sleep, waking up beside him in the morning, hearing his steady breath in the middle of the night . Those are little joys of life that filled my every day.
But I was beginning to enjoy less, the randoms kicks, whacks, prods my body was receiving at all hours. My little boy was growing and he liked to move all around that bed in his sleep. I was always at the receiving end of kicks and I had many a night where I was waking on every hour from a kick, push, whack, whatever. OK its not the end of the world, but I would prefer to have my 5 year old kicking his own pillows.
And to be honest, I craved just a little alone time at night to relax, unwind, enjoy a cup of tea and just be (by myself)!
This was not happening and so my mental health was severely suffering. With no day sleeps anymore, it was 14 hour days straight entertaining him and some days I needed the day time sleep! I was exhausted! I savour our days together, but the hours from 5pm-8pm, well they are most parents witching hours, it was no different here too.
And then, the breakthrough ....
On Darby's 5th Birthday to be precise, a major milestone occurred!
This was not happening and so my mental health was severely suffering. With no day sleeps anymore, it was 14 hour days straight entertaining him and some days I needed the day time sleep! I was exhausted! I savour our days together, but the hours from 5pm-8pm, well they are most parents witching hours, it was no different here too.
And then, the breakthrough ....
On Darby's 5th Birthday to be precise, a major milestone occurred!
My sister surprised him with a batman bedspread he had been eyeing off for some time. Ingenious!
The bedspread went right on his bed, and lo and behold he wanted to sleep in it straight away! Just like that!!!
So every night since then (bar the ones he is at his dads and grandparents) he has gone to sleep in his own bed! Amazing!
I read him a story and he just goes to sleep! Most nights he does end up back in my bed at 3am, 4am 5am, this doesn't worry me a bit and I will address it at another time!
At the moment I am just rejoicing his current bedtime routine! Its amazing! I feel like a new woman too, getting an hour or two to myself in the evening. Hallelujah!
Its almost 3 weeks now, and its becoming his norm to go to bed in his own bed, in his own room!
Its such a wonderful breakthrough! I knew it would happen one day, but I really didn't think a bedspread would hold that much power!
I was wrong, so wrong!!
And as Robin so rightly puts it - " Holy Bedspreads Batman!!"
The bedspread went right on his bed, and lo and behold he wanted to sleep in it straight away! Just like that!!!
So every night since then (bar the ones he is at his dads and grandparents) he has gone to sleep in his own bed! Amazing!
I read him a story and he just goes to sleep! Most nights he does end up back in my bed at 3am, 4am 5am, this doesn't worry me a bit and I will address it at another time!
At the moment I am just rejoicing his current bedtime routine! Its amazing! I feel like a new woman too, getting an hour or two to myself in the evening. Hallelujah!
Its almost 3 weeks now, and its becoming his norm to go to bed in his own bed, in his own room!
Its such a wonderful breakthrough! I knew it would happen one day, but I really didn't think a bedspread would hold that much power!
I was wrong, so wrong!!
And as Robin so rightly puts it - " Holy Bedspreads Batman!!"
Oh, Jane, I love this. I am so happy that you're getting some alone time. As I was reading, I was nodding along... so much of this rings true with my little darling at only 9.m.o. I think the time has come for me to address the issue too... but this, I dread... X
ReplyDeleteHow fantastic - for both of you.
ReplyDeleteI'm not even parenting solo, but if I didn't get a little bit of child free down time in the evening before bed I would go batty!!
You have been so patient, Jane. Enjoy!
:-) xx
I soooo know how you feel. It is amazing how kids just know when they are ready. They just need that little trigger to make them feel ok to move into their own sleep space.
ReplyDeleteI co-slept with Ned until earlier this year. He was in a cot until about 8 or 9 months but slept with me ever since then. I loved it. When he was a baby it was easier to give him his night time feeds and when he dropped those he just slept straight through. If he kicked off his blankets, I could easily reach over and pull them back over him. At times when he was sick I would wake every 15 mins and check his temperature.
Ned was my hot water bottle, my comforter, my companion. I loved the cuddles and the little things he would say first thing in the morning.
By necessity, because we live with my parents, Ned and I have to share a room. Earlier this year I bought a double loft bed and Ned got a single bed to sleep under it. I was terrified how it would work out. I thought there is no way he would stay down in his own bed and I didn't want him trying to climb the 2 metres up to me in the middle of the night. And I was worried about not getting my cuddles any more.
But Ned loved his new bed! Loved his own space. It has worked out so well. I think he got over the separation quicker than I did. But now I do look forward to having our own rooms one day but for now this works great.
Lovely pictures. I can really see your relationship with Darby is so like me and Ned. In an ideal world a family with mum and dad together is great but being a sole parent is awesome too.
V.
PS sorry for the long comment. I tend to ramble at this time of night!
Yay for Darby, but bigger YAY for you! That alone time is so important. So glad that Batman saved the day!! xx
ReplyDeleteYay for victories like these. Though I must admit I do miss the boys now they sleep in their own beds every night and I really dont mind a little visit every now and then....except when they are stick. they can stay in their own beds when they are sick! :) xx
ReplyDelete