8/52

My little boy is looking so grown up. A big 5 and a half year old. 

He is getting taller by the day, his arms and legs are growing at rapid speed!  It seems all his pants are too short.

His face is maturing too. Maybe its from being a big school kid now, or just the growing process,  but I can definitely see these changes everyday.

Its so exciting (and a little bit sad for me.  My baby is no baby anymore!)

This photo was taken on our Friday night in at home!  We have a bit of a routine happening, we get dinner at 5pm (Darby's choice!), and get straight into our PJ's, kick off our shoes and just relax.  Normally we are both in bed by 7.30pm.  Its by far  my favourite part of the week.

The big sigh that another week of school and work is now behind us!

Linking up in this incredible project with Jodi at Che and Fidel! 

Until next time 

7/52

Our little Village has a kick ass festival every year. Bands play, people sing, there is so much food and ultimately it gives everyone in the area a reason to come together. 

Some years we miss it, but this year it seemed like a great idea on a ridiculously hot day to go and celebrate our little neck of the woods.  

I want to teach Darby the importance of community.

Even though we live in inner Melbourne, I want him to feel at home in his area, to be proud of it, and to  have that sense of having a place to feel comfortable and safe. A village. 

I suppose that feeling I always had as a kid growing up in a country town. 

It was a lovely day although a tad hot. Whilst I sought out all the shady areas,  he couldn't get enough of the free rides!  He could have stayed on that Ferris Wheel all afternoon.  I counted  and he went around 32 times, phew!  To be a kid again and not worry about time.  

Linking up in this incredible project with Jodi at Che and Fidel! 

Until next time 

6/52

Look at the exhaustion in his baby blues.  This is what the end of the first week of school looks like.  {Its lucky I don't have to post a picture of myself..... I look ghastly!}

Darby is tired & exhausted but underneath that he is a very happy boy,  he is in his element. 

Just listening to his excited voice at the end of each day  speaking of all the wonder of school. The new classroom rules and all the learning already. Oh and his teacher, he just loves his teacher. The kindest, loveliest and most fashionable lady he will grow to know to this year. 

She told me the other day, how much Darby was a darling in her class,  he pays attention and follows directions and tries really hard at everything.  She wished there were 10 more like him. I won't lie that my eyes filled with proud mama tears but at the same time I wished the Darby she was talking about could come pay our house a visit some time! 

Linking up in this incredible project with Jodi at Che and Fidel! 

Until next time 

This past week of mine

It has been a big week  or two in our house hold. The biggest that I can remember since becoming our own little family of two a few years ago.  Lots of changes, new routines and so many emotions.

It will take some time to get used to the  whole new world of school, we will get there I am sure.  Its just a matter of seeing it out. I have 6 more years  of primary school to go! 

I thought I would share the emotions I have gone through over the past week. {I might save Darby's  feelings  for another post} 

I have felt nervous, scared, elated, overwhelmed, out of control, torn, superfluous.  

I have felt the gentle letting go of my only child into someone else's care for 30 or so hours a week. I have had to surrender that control. My heart skips a beat every time I drop him off.  I must seem to be  such an overbearing mother smothering him in kisses and "I love yous" but I just cant help it. I cant stop myself. Im sure I am not the only one. 

I have felt happy, I have felt proud, the proudest I can possibly be, I have felt grateful, thankful and I have felt  free.

I have felt lonely without my buddy,  like something is missing all the time. My coffee time just doesn't seem right without him by my side.

I have juggled balls, many many balls in the air. That push and pull of the working parent has been  front of mind this week. Its bloody hard organising everything. 

I have finally exercised my body and I have let my mind have a rest, a much needed rest.  

I have laughed and grinned, I have also cried and weeped and I have never been so tired.  By Friday afternoon  I knew what exhaustion felt like. Trying to hold it all together was sure to unravel itself at some point and its always at the end of the week when things go downhill. 

I have welcomed new friendships, I am optimistic to see what happens.  I have put the time in to nurture old ones too, they are just as important to me. 

I have been excited, excited to be able to see myself in him. That ants in your pants excitable 5 year old. I was once like that and I even remember it! 

I have felt like a failure, but I feel like I am doing the best that I can. I am proud of myself. Doing this on my own  is tough.

I am thankful for those around me, that cushion me through this time. Even if they are not here in person , they support me from the sidelines, offer support, advice and let me know its all ok. All of these feelings, they have happened to so many other mamas and they got through it too. 

I am now  part of a club, The school mums club, lots of lessons yet to learn, but Im sure Ill be an old hack at it soon. 

I am excited, This future of ours is bright.....

Its always going to be a roller coaster of a ride, but  the lesson I have really learnt these past few years  is to go with the flow and that the only way to survive is to close your eyes and hold on tight when going down the dips, because the highs are just so so worth it.

Linking up with Maxabella for  52 Weeks of Grateful here

5/52

Look at those blue eyes gazing in wonder as he takes in the after school play yard. Kids and parents everywhere picking up their precious children. 

It has been a big week in our household.  The first day of school went so well.  It was exciting and new, and Darby just loved it {and I coped surprisingly well!}.

It was the second day that proved harder for us both.  It all fell apart for both him and for me.

There were plenty of tears, apprehension, fear, anger, you name it, all the emotions came out in the space of an hour and a half getting ready! All of this was soothed by his lovely teacher, who took his hand and helped him set up for the day. 

And then the exhaustion hit. So we are taking it pretty easy this weekend and preparing for a full on week. 

Linking up in this incredible project with Jodi at Che and Fidel! 

The start of a new era

I woke up this morning with a funny feeling in my stomach,  I was sure it would be cured  by a hearty breakfast, or at least a coffee, but that funny feeling stuck around and soon it travelled up towards my heart.

It did feel like heartburn, but I knew it wasn't, It was an ache. 

I knew exactly what the cause was, I just didn't want to face the feeling.  I know its  just life and all,  just another big milestone to face.

But its big, Tomorrow really is the first day of the rest of my life. Our life. The start of the school journey for Darby.  My heart aches. 

Melodramatic much. Its normal I think. 

I know I can be a drama queen at times, but I just cant ignore that feeling. That heaviness, mixed with excitement and fear and trepidation. The tears that sit ever so close to the surface. I know it wont take much to tip me over and for them to come flooding out.  Not much at all. 

They have surfaced a few times over the past week over nothing in particular, just all those little things that represent the growing up of my little guy. 

I know I am certainly not alone in this, I know of many other mammas feeling much the same as me. I am sure these intense unknown feelings will pass, as I gently pace myself through the next little while  getting used to not having my little buddy around.

I knew this day was coming the moment he entered this world. I couldn't be more happy for him. It is the next step, and I am just really so excited for him.  I am sure his social little personality will love it,  thrive in it and soak it in.

He is so ready. So ready to learn more, to socialise, to learn more ways of the world. Things I can no longer teach him on my own.

I know he is an adaptable little fellow. He has had so much change in the past 5 years, and he really has for the most part just gone with flow.

As I have prepared his uniforms, baked biscuits for school lunches and labelled the bejesus of anything that is to set foot inside the school, there has been this feeling of letting  him go a little.  

He will be finding his own place in the world, without me holding his hand every step of the way. I will always be there from the sidelines, but I have to let him make his own choices, make his own mistakes, speak for himself all while still gently guiding him through lovingly and as best I can. 

I'm also a bit worried about how I will go... I don't have another child to focus my attention on now.  That person to focus on is myself.

I am used to spending time apart from him , but this is different and on a much more permanent basis.

Darby has been my little saviour. Without him over the last 3 years I would have been lost. 

He was my  little light when everything else went dark. He needed me as much as I needed him. He kept me going through all those really hard times.

So in a way whilst I am setting him free into the wide world of school, he is at the same time setting me free  to find my feet again- albeit only 14 hours a week!  

Whilst he sits in school and intently listens to his teacher, and makes new friend, its time for his mum  to discover herself with no labels, no limits. The possibilities are endless really.  

It will take some getting used to,  this new freedom. It will be so foreign.  He will be learning, and so will I.  Learning to incorporate all the things that I love back into my life.  Its exciting and I am sure it  will be fun journey to be on.

And at the end of each day we will have so many exciting stories to tell each other,  I just can't wait for that.

So here is to a very new and very exciting year for the both of us.   After the tears dry up of course.

Until next time

Linking up with Gorgeous Grace here

4/52

This week I was able to witness Darby and his gorgeous cousin at their cutest. It fills my heart with joy  each time I watch the two of them together.

My biggest fear when separating from Darby's dad was the thought of never being able to provide Darby with a little brother or sister. This broke my heart the most.

I know how important my sister has been in my life, and the great memories we shared as children and now as adults and best friends. I wanted that so desperately for him too.

So I was so delighted when my sister in law announced her pregnancy last year, and a new little life was born. And we became aunty and cousin of a gorgeous baby girl. 

Darby's cousin has provided us with so much happiness already, I just know that they will be close.

He makes her laugh, like no one else. She just looks at him with those stunning brown eyes and she coos and giggles as a 6 month old does.  When we caught up the other day she was wearing the Wonder Woman jumpsuit Darby gave her when she was born {He was delighted} and talk about adorable! 

I am so lucky to have them living around the corner and big  part of our lives.

Linking up in this incredible project with Jodi at Che and Fidel! 

Summer Days & letting go of the small things

On Monday, Darby and I spent the morning at the beach with my friend and fellow blogger Pip and her adorable daughter. 

It was a perfect day, the sun was shining, but through the clouds. It wasn't too hot, and there was a gentle breeze. Just perfect really. 

Darby and I had such a relaxing and enjoyable time, even though I had forgotten all the obvious things you normally take to the beach! 

But it didn't matter one little bit. 

You see I have made a pact with myself that this would be the year I would try not to sweat the small stuff. 20 days in and I'm doing ok (its hard!!) 

When Darby was younger, I used to stress, this stress lead to anxiety and this would completely railroad anything I was doing. Especially when I started parenting solo, it was bloody hard and I would lose my mind when things didn't go right, I would feel like such a failure, a bad parent,  but finally I am getting better at shaking that mindset. 

Yesterday all we took to the beach was Darby's hat and a little food. I forgot to pack the obvious things - bathers, towel, buckets and spades to play with. I had slathered him in sunscreen and put his hat on and off we went. 

When I arrived I realised I probably should have packed those bathers and a towel would have come in handy, but you know what, I just shrugged my shoulders and let that worry  just slide right off me. 

So what I forgot his bathers, he could swim in his jocks and T-shirt and we could wash them when we got home. 

So what we forgot beach toys. He had the most fun just piling sand with this bare hands into freestyle sandcastles and collected shells and made himself a little Xmas tree. {I love his imagination! } 

So what I didn't have a towel to sit on. The soft sand cushioned me and felt good on my bare skin (a good exfoliant too!) 

It felt good not to worry about my parenting failure and just enjoy the moment. The catching up with a good friend, watching Darby enjoy himself, kick water with his feet and run along the shore. Seeing his joy. 

Those will be the bits that I will remember, not that I didn't remember his bathers! 

I have to start somewhere

I recently purchased a new camera. It is a pretty basic SLR, not really with any of the bells and whistles I have seen on some cameras. But really, I wasn't after any bells and whistles! I wanted to start simple.
My main aim was to be able to take pictures of Darby, our life and of course coffee.

Photography is in my blood. One of my dad cousins is a photographer. She was ahead of her time, taking some beautiful shots of my parents wedding 30 plus years ago.

I have always loved taking photos, for as long as I remember. Ask my high school best friend and she would say I wouldn't go anywhere or experience anything without getting my trusty little Pentax out.
I'm not sure I'm actually very good at it, but I just have a love for capturing moments.

I have so much to learn, but I have to start somewhere, and this learning, I am loving too. It is testing my brain, and that's all good.
It has made me feel alive and it has made me realise if I work hard enough and learn from those around me, that I could actually (hopefully) be good one day.
And in the meantime I love the practice and  Darby is a happy and willing (most of the time) model.
We have been taking evening walks while I press different buttons and adjust different settings. I really have no idea, but its so much fun!

3/52

At our favourite cafe in North Melbourne {we spend way too much time here!} 

Darby is concentrating  with great intent on his reading. With 2 weeks until he starts school I can see how much he  is already coming in leaps and bounds with his knowledge.  I couldn't be prouder

I dont know much about taking a good photo, but I am allowing myself these 52 weeks to improve and learn and become better. 

Linking up in this incredible project with Jodi at Che and Fidel! 

The rain in my heart....

Its been one year today since we lost our gorgeous and graceful  cousin.

My sis and I are heading out in the afternoon  to have a drink of champagne in her honour. We will take that time out to remember the good times and recall memories. 

And this is for her - her favourite song.  The words, so poignant and so her. 

We will listen loud, and remember her.... and smile..... and shed some tears too.

We miss her very much 

xxx

Weddings Parties Anything - The Rain In My Heart @ The Age Media House, Melbourne (2nd Oct 2012) from Carbie Warbie on Vimeo.

2/52

Week 2 

This week I purchased a juicer.  An inexpensive little juicer.  It suits the two of us just fine. Its small but robust motor has revved for us everyday this week. 

We have juiced many combinations of fresh fruits and vegetables. 

Our favourite though has been a fusion of everything all together. Orange, Apple, Watermelon, Strawberry, Carrot, Celery, Cucumber and Kale. It goes a funky brown colour {note Darby's face colour, oh and check out those blue eyes, lucky kid!} 

But it is so tasty, just bursting with all sorts of goodness.

It has made us both feel good! 

So I couldn't resist using this picture this week!  Doesn't he just look delighted... and a little surprised.... and a little cheeky... his eyes are sparkling from all the good going into his little body. 

Its feels so satisfying that before 7.30am we have had all of these wonderful nutrients. I feel like we are nourishing our bodies. And I love that Darby helps, and enjoys drinking it so much too! 

We will keep it going until that little motor stops revving! 

Linking up in this incredible project with Jodi at Che and Fidel! Its an honour to be doing it with so many amazing bloggers!