The daily grind (I so wish it was coffee related!)

My mojo is missing in action...  It seems to have been swallowed up by the  day to day grind of my life - if you could call it that!!

I'm a massive believer in living life to the max.. It's too precious and precarious to be complacent.. 
I have seen lives unfairly taken too soon this year and I almost pledged to myself at those very moments that I would live each and every moment to its full potential..

So it's been hard when I have felt myself slipping into this day to day coma ... I need to get off this conveyor belt before its too late and time and moments pass me by.. Living with regret is by far more painful than not living at all....

At the moment my life is revolved around work, getting to work, coming home from work ... Every moment it's in my head.. And I'm finding its not a healthy place to live..

Here is a run down of how my day pan's out.... 
I wake at 10 to 6 to get myself ready for the day.. 
I shower, pretty myself up and dress in whatever I can find that is not dirty.....
I gently nudge Darby from his slumber at 6.30.. Some mornings he jumps out of bed raring to go, other mornings it's harder, he won't stir, he is still in a deep sleep. I hate waking him so early... so I let him sleep until qtr to seven and I then I start poking him again and call his name gently, trying my best to stir him..
I lay out some of his clothes.. I know that he will tell me he doesn't want spiderman or superman today.. Today is a batman kind of day..
We struggle with this for awhile.. He always wins.. I don't have the energy to play that game..
Some days if he wants to wear his pajama top he wears it.. some days he is so under dressed or overdressed... but in the scheme of things it is not important...
I make him some food, sometimes cereal other times it's just juice on the run (thank god Childcare does breakfast!) He eats while I make a piece of toast and pack my lunch for the day.. I coax him to dress himself.. Some days he whips his clothes on as fast as can be.. other days.. I have to dress him... It all comes down to what side of the bed he wakes on.. 


I throw some clothes in his bag and his chuck in his beloved  piggy and get out the door at 7.15... Its a stretch.. but we are slowly getting it down pat! 


We enjoy the drive into Childcare.. I try and get him as excited about his day.. this is hard when he keeps saying " Mum I don't want to go to kinder.. I want to spend the day with you" - this is heartbreaking for me as I would love nothing more than to spend the day with him playing.. I tell him its only a few days and we will get some time together..... My heart aches until I get that time at the weekend.. 
 We arrive at kinder at 7.35.. If we are lucky I get a park out front.. On a bad morning we drive around the Collins st block and I start to feel my blood pressure rise... 
Eventually I get a park pay for 5 mins even though I'll be 10 and quickly rush to the 4th floor .. I organise toast for him and he sits down... It's easy when one of his friends is there... we kiss goodbye .. But some mornings he doesn't want me to leave.. They are a killer ... There are tears..I hold mine in till I make it the  back to the car... Sometimes I don't even make it! I know he is fine but gee it's gut wrenchingly  hard, my whole body aches and I wish this could be easier .. 


I jump in the car.. And navigate my way through city traffic. Nervously do one of those silly hook turns  and weave through my path to work.. .. I arrive at the botanical gardens and find a park.... I am lucky that there are always plenty of parks.. And it is on the cheap side for parking...


Work is a short 8 minute walk.. This is when I read alot of the blog posts that have arrived in my inbox overnight.. its my unwind time...the calm before the storm...
My day is over in a blur.... my blood pressure rises to breaking point... luckily I work around Health Professionals so there is medical experience at hand should I ever need it!! 
The morning goes... I manage to sneak in a good coffee.. the highlight... and if I'm lucky I may get out in the sunshine for 10 or so minutes! Some days it gets to 3pm and I haven't had my lunch and my head is pounding...
I do my best to get away from my desk... as I know my headaches are directly  caused by stress and staring at computer screens all day!
I generally get out at 5pm with a sigh... another day down... I meander back to the car..Well I am tired.. but some days I almost sprint to get the car.... By this stage I cant wait to pick up Darby and I want to get there before he goes down into the after 6pm room, where all the kids meet at the end of the day if their mums and dads have not arrived... 
I again weave through traffic... it is a toss of the coin as to how the traffic is.. some days I can get to his kinder in 15 minutes, other days its 45 minutes! (these days are not good... and I cry all the way there!) 
I get to him at around 5.45... I hurry in, almost beaming... so excited to be seeing him in a few moments and wrapping him in a big cuddle... I love this part of the day.... we are almost there, on the home run... he is so excited too... happy to tell me about his day .. 
We debrief the highlights in the car ride home.. 


We get home around 6.15... and then we settle in for the night... normally with poached eggs on toast.. or something so basic it shouldn't really be counted as dinner!
We get in our pyjamas.. and  I am slump in my red chair.. Its like a big red warm hug at the end of the day ... I read Darby some books and we head to bed... ready to do it all again tomorrow.. 


These days are not how I want to live my life forever.. it is exhausting.. it is draining and there seems to be no balance.... I feel all out of kilter (plus  I look like absolute crap!!! I'm sure I have more wrinkles now than I did 6 months ago!!) I know its only temporary..... I just don't know how much longer I can do it for... One day at a time.... One day at a time..... 

And of course, until next time, life is too short for crappy coffee...