13/52

Look at that excitement on his face, that giddiness that comes from a ride flying around in the air. Darby's Grandma ventured on this carnival ride with him (I am such a wuss!) 

I love spending Easter weekend at my mum and dads in Bendigo. There is a real festival atmosphere. 

Hope everyone is having a lovely Easter long weekend eating lots of chocolate eggs! 

Linking up in this incredible project with Jodi at Che and Fidel! 

Until next time 

A whirlwind trip for a whirlwind wedding

I ventured out of my home state on Sunday, to the lovely city of Adelaide.  I  got to witness one of my very good friends marry the man of her dreams in one of Adelaide's finest churches.  They are known for their beautiful churches after all.

It was such a lovely wedding and even though  I attended it on my own, not knowing a single person there, but  I had a fantastic time!

I was having so much fun that I didn't really take many photos instead  I kicked up my heels and danced  the night away. I may even be guilty of doing the Gangham Style. Shame on me, shame! 

My friend met her now husband just over a year ago, they flirted with a long distance for awhile, but things got serious, and as they say, when you know you know. She got engaged in September and now 6 months later is a married woman! I am so happy for her.

In 2011 we both found ourselves single at the same time, We bonded over this  and  spent many a night out in Melbourne's bars, lamenting  the fact that there were no eligible men out there for us.

She has now found her match, so her wedding has given me the hope, that maybe one day, maybe not so soon, but some time in the future, I will have a special day like hers too.

Until next time

Oh and isn't this the most divine wedding dress you ever did see? It was stunning! 

12/52

Darby inspecting his shoes for Ants.

{Short and sweet this week as I am away in Adelaide. Here for a whirlwind trip to attend a wedding}

Linking up in this incredible project with Jodi at Che and Fidel! 

Until next time 

A Healthy Take on the Hot Cross Bun

I find baking therapeutic, it really soothes my soul.  Its like  my form of meditation.  Whilst  I concentrate on mixing, stirring, kneading, I travel off to a far far away place. I process my thoughts. My heart rate slows, I begin to breathe fully and  I truly relax.

I am not saying I am an awesome cook, but I just LOVE IT.  I would describe myself as a more of the eclectic, will try anything, make up recipes (that dont always work!) kind of baker. Oh and put me in front of a savoury dish and I'm kind of lost. I just lose that relaxation factor.

Today it was dreary outside, another perfect excuse to get my bake on (and be relaxed). As we are nearing Easter I thought I would try baking Hot Cross Buns for the first time. I paid $3.50 for one the other day (and was horrified!), yes thats right, almost $20 for a half dozen! Yikes, and they werent even that amazing. Surely I could make some for much less than that!

So here is the recipe I baked  (adapted from the Hobbs House Bakery recipe) with a few added healthy additions!

Hot Cross Buns

Serves approx. 16-18

Dough

680g of 00 Flour

(I used 300gm 00 Flour, 250gm of Spelt Flour, 130g Coconut Flour)

Pinch of sea salt 

70g of castor sugar (I used Coconut Sugar as its lower in GI)

15gm of Mixed Spice 

2 Eggs (organic if possible) 

15gm of Dried Yeast

80gm of organic butter/ coconut oil melted

300ml of warm water
I also added 1.5 teaspoons of mesquite powder and 1 teaspoon of Maca Powder.

Fruit 

80gm of Sultanas 

80gm of Currants of Raisins

Zest of Lemon/Orange (Personal Preference but I removed this!)
You could even add some dried Apricots, apples, cranberries, blueberries  and even goji berries which I am going to do next time!

Crossing Mix 

50 gm of 00 Flour, 50gm Spelt Flour

Pinch of Salt

1 Tsp of Sugar - I used Stevia powdered

1 Tsp of Butter 

100ml of water 

Sugar Wash 

2 Tbs of Water

Pinch of Mix Spice 

2 Tsp of sugar  - I used a Coconut sugar

Method:

Grease and line a high sided baking tray with grease-proof paper  . Weigh all the dough ingredients into your biggest mixing bowl.

Stir together with a wooden spoon and once the dough has come together, Here comes the fun part (and the meditation)  turn  it onto a flat surface and knead for 15 minutes, until your dough is smooth  Gently work in the fruit and zest if you havent done so already.

 

Now your dough is ready to rest. Put it back into the big mixing bowl, cover and put in a warm place until it has doubled in size, or for 30 minutes, whichever comes first.

 

After the 30 mins is up cut the dough in half, then divide and divide again until you have 16- 18 equalish pieces. As you can see below mine were not all the same size (oops!) 

 

In the palm of your hand, firmly round the pieces so they stand up tall on your baking tray, a finger’s width between them.

Again, cover the tin and leave in a nice and warm  place until your buns have doubled in size, another 30 or so minutes. It helps to be heating your oven at the same time! 

Turn it on to  to 210°C.

 

 Whisk all the piping mix ingredients in a jug, making sure  there are no lumps, and pour into a piping bag.  Cross the buns by piping a stripes of the piping mix across the length and width of the tin and now its time to bake these  little beauties. 

The very moment they  all have golden tops take them out and brush with the Sugar wash. They will look lovely and glossy.

Now comes the best bit,  eat  them while they are still toasty from the oven, Watch that butter melt and enjoy.

They are delicious with a cup of Lady Grey tea, my personal prefernce . {Its hard to stop at just one.} 
Until next time

11/52

Is it really week 11?  Where is the year going?  Thank goodness we are heading out of the hot summer and now getting nice and ready for the cooler weather! I love the cooler months! The clothes, the hats, the boots, the coats.  I just hate the enormous heating bill that  comes with it ! 

It was a nice change to put on jeans and not swelter. I also loved getting out my hats. I am a little obsessed with hats. I have too many to count.  Ok enough about me, this post is about young Darby.
He too loves the cooler weather {and he has my love for hats too}!  After being in school uniform all week, he loved being able to pick out some warmer clothes to wear on the weekend.

This weeks picture was taken in a little village we frequent often. It is close to home, but still an outing if thats all we do all day.  We had just enjoyed a coffee at a one of our favourite cafes and were about to head home when my  sister called and said she would come join us.

This meant a quick trip to the newish, most awesome and decadent bakery  a few doors down.  

I turn a blind eye and let my sister spoil her nephew (and I will deal with the sugar rush later!). He chose a  choc chip and marshmallow cookie!  I had a taste and it was divine, evil sweetness.  

So there we were the three of us huddled on a park bench eating cookies and jelly filled donuts, while the rain poured behind us.

It was too lovely a moment not to capture!  And look at the adoration Darby has for his aunty, {or maybe he was  just mesmerised by the donut she was eating!}

Linking up in this incredible project with Jodi at Che and Fidel! 

Until next time 

Trying not to sink

I really haven't visited my blog much in the last 7 weeks. I have had many things to say, but the time to do it just hasn't been right. And then the exhaustion of the day hits me, and then its just too taxing to write at all. 

This school mum caper has not come easily to me. I have not coped on a whole number of levels. I am just surviving. Not thriving at all.  I'm sure it looks all fine on the surface, but really on the inside its just chaos.
I am trying to be easy on myself, I am only new at this and like any new job, there is always a period of adjustment. I am just trying to remind myself of that every day. 

This chaos I speak of came to an inevitable head last week.

It was hot, and I just didn't feel myself, I was sweating more, my heart was beating faster, work was beyond stressful, and I just had this horrible feeling in my guts. I felt out of control. I had no one picking up Darby up from school, and I couldn't get in touch with aftercare. 

I ended up having a panic attack at lunchtime. I only know it was that and not something worse as I have had one once before when Dave and I were separating.  It was suffocating, intense and I really felt distressed.
I couldn't breathe, and my chest felt like it was being crushed, and my brain short circuiting.
There wasn't really anything to be panicked about, but it just  got to that point where it all felt too much, like there were no answers to the problems, everything came back to me. I am the decision maker. I hold the power, and sometimes thats not a good thing!

Although its a team effort in managing Darby at school. At the end of the day, he spends most of his time with me, so I spend most of my time managing the day to day ins and outs. 

The lunches, oh god the lunches. I am not good at these. The evening reading I am doing ok at, but trying to get Darby to bed, its been a disaster.  I think its due to this nasty hot weather, but for the last month or so he has decided my bed is better.  So my sleep is severely suffering, and I feel like such a failure that I have let all that hard work go out the window. 

I am also the one taking him to swimming lessons and then trying to read all of the stuff that comes home with him each day (seriously there is so much paperwork!). There is just so much to remember to do.  I'm exhausted by 7.00pm, my house is a state of disarray, and all I want is for there to be some order. 

He has also been quite cheeky of late, to me and at school. I think this stems from a number of things, but its something that has been worrying me alot too.  I know he is crazy tired, and his little brain is learning so many new things everyday, so I'm going to deal with this at another time, when my energy is back. 

I am looking forward to a break over Easter, no matter how short it is, and just to try and settle into Term 2. I am trying to be kind on myself as I know this is a big change for him and for me, and it will take time for it to feel normal.

The only plus side to all of these crazy changes, is the time I get to myself on Mondays and Thursdays.  The hours between 9am & 3.30 fly by,  but I have managed to used this precious time by myself effectively! I have made a real effort  to  attend an exercise class on each of my days off. It makes me feel great, and its keeping my energy levels up.
It is a daggy dance class but it gets me all hot and sweaty and out of breath whilst putting a grin on my face, so that's all good in my books! Hopefully I will slowly start to  reverse this breakup weight too. I'm sure that will make me feel better in myself. Although I know I just need to focus on my health and my mental state rather than a number on the scales.
I am also looking into some meditation classes as well as Yoga to help calm me down and lesson the chance of any more panic attacks, because to be honest, I couldn't handle one of those again. 

Sorry that this post has been all over the place, but its been nice to get it off my chest! A complete brain dump. 

I know I am only normal and its ok to feel overwhelmed and sad, and scared and happy and panicked all at once. Its ok. I just have to keep reminding myself that.

Until next time

10/52

Darby looking all cool - he was just given this Batman hat by his favourite waiter (who we now call a friend!)

Darby's love affair with Batman is intense, so this you could say, more than made his day!

Linking up in this incredible project with Jodi at Che and Fidel! 

Until next time 

9/52

Watching those fish fly out of the whale is the best fun, even better when Aunty Laura is there to help.

Linking up in this incredible project with Jodi at Che and Fidel! 

Until next time 

A break away

This week hasn't been great, I haven't felt on top of things and Darby is just exhausted.  Four weeks of school  done and four weeks to go. 

He has been saying things this week, that have hurt me. That are not like him at all,   I'm sure he doesn't mean them, but they still sting like hell.  "You are a bad mummy, I want to live with Daddy"

Cue knife to the heart and kick to the guts.  These are the kinds of things I have been waiting for him to say, but never really expecting them to come flying from his mouth so easily. 

He says it when he is tired and grumpy (and I too am tired and grumpy!) 

He spends most of his week with me, with fleeting times with his dad. I wish he saw him more, he wishes he saw him more and Dave does too. 

So this weekend, he gets to spend the whole weekend with him and I  am having a much needed  weekend away. Just for me. 

It  couldn't come at a better time. A break with friends, with other mums,  where I can have time to breathe, to relax, to stop and to be myself.   To chat, to laugh, and to take in fine country air.

I can't wait. Hopefully I will come back refreshed and ready to cope with these next four weeks with a bit more energy, patience and  a different mindset. 

8/52

My little boy is looking so grown up. A big 5 and a half year old. 

He is getting taller by the day, his arms and legs are growing at rapid speed!  It seems all his pants are too short.

His face is maturing too. Maybe its from being a big school kid now, or just the growing process,  but I can definitely see these changes everyday.

Its so exciting (and a little bit sad for me.  My baby is no baby anymore!)

This photo was taken on our Friday night in at home!  We have a bit of a routine happening, we get dinner at 5pm (Darby's choice!), and get straight into our PJ's, kick off our shoes and just relax.  Normally we are both in bed by 7.30pm.  Its by far  my favourite part of the week.

The big sigh that another week of school and work is now behind us!

Linking up in this incredible project with Jodi at Che and Fidel! 

Until next time 

7/52

Our little Village has a kick ass festival every year. Bands play, people sing, there is so much food and ultimately it gives everyone in the area a reason to come together. 

Some years we miss it, but this year it seemed like a great idea on a ridiculously hot day to go and celebrate our little neck of the woods.  

I want to teach Darby the importance of community.

Even though we live in inner Melbourne, I want him to feel at home in his area, to be proud of it, and to  have that sense of having a place to feel comfortable and safe. A village. 

I suppose that feeling I always had as a kid growing up in a country town. 

It was a lovely day although a tad hot. Whilst I sought out all the shady areas,  he couldn't get enough of the free rides!  He could have stayed on that Ferris Wheel all afternoon.  I counted  and he went around 32 times, phew!  To be a kid again and not worry about time.  

Linking up in this incredible project with Jodi at Che and Fidel! 

Until next time 

6/52

Look at the exhaustion in his baby blues.  This is what the end of the first week of school looks like.  {Its lucky I don't have to post a picture of myself..... I look ghastly!}

Darby is tired & exhausted but underneath that he is a very happy boy,  he is in his element. 

Just listening to his excited voice at the end of each day  speaking of all the wonder of school. The new classroom rules and all the learning already. Oh and his teacher, he just loves his teacher. The kindest, loveliest and most fashionable lady he will grow to know to this year. 

She told me the other day, how much Darby was a darling in her class,  he pays attention and follows directions and tries really hard at everything.  She wished there were 10 more like him. I won't lie that my eyes filled with proud mama tears but at the same time I wished the Darby she was talking about could come pay our house a visit some time! 

Linking up in this incredible project with Jodi at Che and Fidel! 

Until next time