A trip to the Zoo

Today the Melbourne sun was shining, it was the perfect day to go on an adventure to the Zoo. 

Darby, his Grandma and I headed there this morning for a day of animal spotting. 

The weather was nothing short of a perfect, 21 degrees, still and sunny. My idea of the best kind of day. 

I love the Melbourne Zoo, there is something so amazing about that place, The surroundings are so lush and tranquil. I must admit my favourite animals to look at  are the Gorillas and Monkeys and today they really put on a show for us! Oh boy did they make us giggle! 

I was also a hit in the butterfly enclosure. I had the gorgeous things fluttering all over me. Normally any kind of insect freaks me out, but for these little beauties I didn't mind a bit! 

Such a lovely day out, cant wait to go again! I'm adding it to the growing list of things to do on my own when Darby is at school!  How cruel is that! 

Hope everyone enjoyed the sunshine! 

Just another birthday....

Its my birthday at the end of this week.  I love birthdays, I love celebrations. 

So why is it that I  am dreading my special day? 

Ask anyone that knows me and they will be able to tell you how much I love my birthday.

I have always loved my birthday, always.  I remember having a count down  for the days leading up to the 24th of November every year. Ask my mum and I probably started the countdown in mid September. But she wouldn't mind,  I have been told I inherited this love from her. She is a birthday lover from way back. 

I have so many amazing childhood memories of my birthday, I can recall all of them, there are so many lovely, unique moments. Even of my early adulthood. I had fabulous parties, I loved bringing people together. 

For someone who is sitting on the fence of  being an introvert and extrovert, I would always, always come out of my shell and sit in the extrovert camp on my birthday! It was my day to live it up, to be bold and to be surrounded by people I loved. 

The last few birthdays have been celebrated, but my overall excitement leading up to them has been non existent. I have been sad. Very, very sad. 

I thought my thirties were going to be nothing short of fabulous. I would be confident, life would be on track, and I would have a sense of knowing I was in the right place. 

That really just went out the window in 2010.  Life is nothing like I imagined it to be. And as my birthday approaches, it is just a reminder of what is missing in my life and how far away I am from where I want to be. Although in  saying that I wouldn't trade the special relationship Darby and I have created together.
 

My first birthday as a single parent everything was still so raw, I baked myself a cake and I sat in a work meeting all day and cried.  Last year I was a little better but I still felt really flat, so I just got stuck into Gin and Tonics! That made me feel temporarily better.

This year I feel like nothing has really changed. My birthday is just a little reminder that I am not living my life to its fullest capacity . I know I have the ability too, but I'm just not. 

So many amazing things have happened to me in the year, and I will recognise that, but overall, I know in most aspects of life I need change. 

However I decided on the weekend that I  am going to put that aside, and really try hard to enjoy the opportunities  I have been given and the blessings in my life.

So on Friday I have made myself  a pact to celebrate this special day. As Oprah says "The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate",  When Oprah says something you gotta listen! 

 So to mark the occasion I am going to get dressed up, I am going to make myself feel pretty, I am going to chow down on my favourite Mexican food with some of my favourite people, and I am going to go somewhere and dance, dance my little heart out to cheesy music, dance away my 33 year old blues. 

And this year, my 33rd year, I am going to take it by the balls  and I am going to live it. There is no time to waste. I'm going to follow my heart, take some risks and love. Fill my life with love, in whatever shape or form that is, and by the time I get to 34, I hope I'm back to  being excited about that big day..

Finally... they have arrived!

Today in the mail I received a much anticipated parcel. 

A parcel that was sent from the UK over 14 weeks ago.  This was a delivery of some  beloved photos of my holiday in the UK, the holiday that I went on oh so long ago.  

The parcel was crumpled, and tattered. It had seen better days, but the USB stick was tucked away,  safely protected by 2 pairs of 9 pound Primark jeans.  {I knew my bargain shopping obsession would come in handy one day!} 

My friend and I had  written the parcel off,  that some  UK postal worker or an Australia Post employee couldn't have gone past a pair of Primark Jeans. Alas we were wrong, and thank goodness too. 

Looking through the photos brought a tear to my eye. Oh how my holiday flew by, and oh how I just went straight back into real life. The ups and downs of a single parent. 

Don't get me wrong I absolutely missed Darby like nothing else, and loved coming home to him, but I did really relish that time that I had, just being me. Just Jane.

Jane the traveler, Jane the best friend, Jane the shopper, Jane the obsessive tea drinker, Jane the wanderer. Jane the talker. Jane the thinker. Jane the cider drinker. Jane the advice giver. Jane the croissant eater. Jane the scones and jam eater. Jane the Aunty. Jane the Explorer.

It was wonderful having a snapshot of my life from a different point of view. One I have not experienced in the last 5 or so years. And even though I feel selfish saying it,  While I was away I felt so empowered and happy.

So here are lots of  pictures (eek mainly of me, sorry!!)  from my stay in Charlbury, a sweet little town just outside of Oxford and my adventures in the UK.  

 

The perils of driving!

Its not all that uncommon for me to have a lapse in judgement when I'm driving. I have never made it  unknown that I am not a great driver.
I have never seen myself featured on "Worlds worst drivers" (that I know of) but I'm certainly not the best.

I have been known to back into poles (how the hell did they get there) swerve parked cars (explains a missing side mirror). I have driven the wrong way down one way streets, with oncoming traffic yelling abuse at me.  My latest most traumatising moment this year was when I  reversed parked and  then somehow got the front of my car hooked in a rather large tow bar resulting in the front of my car being  completely ripped off!!  Oh and how the list  could go on....

So its no surprise that being a passenger in my car can be a little nerve wracking! 

I had one such crazy driving incident this weekend. I was happily driving Darby around on a nice afternoon out . We were staying with my mum and dad in the country and just relaxing. That's what I do when I am here, just relax. So whether that relaxing hampered my driving skills I don't know. 

Anyway I overshot a right hand turn, only to realise I was in fact turning into a one way street, with no other option but to drive down it the wrong way. The first thing that popped out of my mouth was not a very nice one, one I try not to say ever in front of Darby, but when I am driving I really do have poor lapse in judgement and forget I have a  child in the back seat. A child that picks up everything I say, even if it is under my breath. Arrgghh

But, before the "I'm so sorry Darbs for mums big mistake" could slip from my lips for my parenting fail, he piped up from the back, "That's ok mum, you will just have to be more careful next time."  I'm not sure whether he was referring to my swearing or my driving, but I agreed with him. "Yes mum will be much more careful next time". 
Oh the wisdom beyond his five years, cool calm and collected in a crisis, not like his erratic, poor driving mother! 

Tomorrow is a new day....

My fuse was short. My day was long. Not a great combination in my books. The start of my favourite month didn't go so well.

A grumpy child.

And a very very  grumpy mummy.

I am not feeling like myself at the moment.

I hope I start to soon.

I can feel the end of the year creeping up on me and more time passing. For me this is not a good thing, a year older and I feel a sense a panic that the best years are behind me,  that maybe I have already lived my best life.
Every day I know I am striving for better, but maybe it doesn't get better. 

This really isn't like me to be so negative, Ill let these feelings sit for now, as I know they will disappear soon, and I will be  back to my real self soon.

I'm making some positive changes this month for my body and mind, and I hope this will shift these thoughts that are plaguing me.

Only time will tell.....

Image via Pinterest