I have been doing a bit of reflecting of late... looking back at how I have got to where I am...It sure has been a Topsy turvy journey to date... This post has been a hard one to write, normally I’m pretty bright and breezy, so it’s been hard to do a back flip and look at the serious and deeply personal side to where I was when I took on such a funny little challenge.
I am still perplexed when I try to remember the exact moment I decided to take on the Melbourne Coffee Review 100 best coffees challenge!!??! I think maybe it was a subconscious decision; one of those off the cuff dares to myself that I actually turned into reality! I think it was my way of saying "I am going to use my everyday love of coffee and see if it can heal my pain or at least distract me for awhile. It will keep me busy and will make sure I am not at home all the time moping about what could have been)".
That's my interpretation of it anyhow... I know before I took it on in February that I was feeling lost and my passion in life had gone MIA ... I was broken... Not that I would ever admit it to anyone... I had been through the toughest and roughest 6 months of my life... a relationship breakdown that left me feeling bewildered, resentful but most of all really sad.. Even I can say I did an amazing job at immersing myself in setting up a new unit and settling in Darby, as best I could a 3 year old in the circumstances....
I then went about my daily routine in an adrenalin fuelled haze.....never really showing any emotion…Eventually the adrenalin began to fade and the repressed emotions began to emerge, and visit me, always in the most random of places... Crying at the grocery checkout...on the train on my usual commute to the city... And almost always when I entered the cafe I had been to day in day out since I moved to Seddon 6 years before...It was here that I felt the saddest, I almost felt I had an obligation to tell Andy what had happened.. Not that I needed too, it was probably pretty obvious, but it was here that it felt all too evident that my life had changed and it wasn’t going back to what it used to be…I spent my late 20’s and early 30’s here ….Saturday hung-over brunches in the sun (old days), A Sunday morning coffee dash before the park, a rare evening out for two, birthday dinners, birthday lunches, catch ups with friends, drinks etc etc.. I could go on forever...
I realised then that I needed to do something to make me feel better, I had to be brave and face up to how I was feeling and to tackle it head on...
When I try and explain to people that the purpose behind my challenge is not necessarily about the coffee... I seem to lose my train of thought... On the surface it is about the coffee. I love my coffee and it is the reason I get up in the morning (some times)...And I have been to some amazing places and tasted some brilliant mind blowing coffees all while I have had my little man along for the ride. That is just scratching the surface of all the other positive impacts it has had on my life and how it is helping me to bounce back to being ME! It has been a joyous experience, and has helped me heal in a very unique way, I have stepped out of my comfort zone, I love capturing images, meeting coffee makers and I have discovered that I love to blog. I have so much resilience now (even being made redundant a few months back has been easy...)
I don’t recommend it for everyone going through a breakup (I have been hyped up on coffee quite a few times), but I can say wholeheartedly that is has helped me get through mine…. with a bit of buzz, my head held high and a frothy cappuccino grin!
Until next time... Life is too short to drink crappy coffee
Linking up with Diary of a SAHM for
I'm not sure if it was coincidental or on purpose that my family had planned a weekend to the beach on my birthday weekend..!! Even though I will be leaving work in a few short weeks.. I desperately needed to recharge my batteries.. Its going to be a tough and busy few weeks and I need all the energy I can conserve.. 
I don't think the joy though will last long today when I take him to get his 4 year old vaccination! Yikes ... I hated taking him to those appointments when he was a bub, but now it's even worse!! I am a big needle hater from way way way back, so I don't want to pass down that phobia..I can see why its such a common neurosis! 
