Times are a changing.....

So I have some news....  Big news for me anyway,  I took a massive (and I mean massive) leap of faith last week to enter the world of  study again.

Having been out of university now for 13 years, I had a calling. A growing desire that could no longer be ignored.  I have enrolled in a Bachelor of Health Science in Nutritional Medicine meaning in 6 years I will be a nutritionist.

I should have started this course years ago, when I first wanted to but for some reason I put it off back then. A time when life was a little rough and my health was not great, just before my breakup and on the verge of my 30th.   Instinctively I must have known life was going to  get a little bit messy and complicated. So I put it on the back burner. I was too scared of the  time, effort, and the unknown.  

This time is completely different though. Life is pretty good for me now. I am calm, happy, and  resilient.  I  am committed and I am driven, I am focused and I am more passionate than ever to make this work. To be honest I don't care that I will be 40 when I graduate! That will be the start of a new era for me.  I'm  so excited!

I have loved working in the Health and Wellbeing industry for the past 8 years, but this will be something completely new and totally out of my comfort zone, but when you have a sign and just too many reasons to do it, I just had to.

What have I got to lose? Nothing.  If things don't work out, that's ok. I listened to my heart and I took a chance. I  won't die living with the regrets of the "if only". It is going to be a massive juggle managing part time work, single motherhood and study, but I am so determined to make this work, and that is all that matters.

The desire to do this course has been like a drum in my heart constantly playing, slowly getting louder, and louder and louder. In the last few weeks it was all I could hear. Until a point on Wednesday when it became deafening and I came home and applied online right there and then.  The sheer excitement that came from that was one I cannot describe, and then that letter to me on Friday to say I was accepted, it blew me away. I was beyond words excited
 

I have always had the fear that the best years of my life were already behind me, but I am now thinking that they do  in fact stand before me, waiting for me to open that door and leap in. The world of unknowns scares me, but it is is exhilarating to think of all the beautiful, magical things to come. 

 

Lately

I have been a little absent around here lately.

I think it's that I find May and June hard months to get through. It isn't helped by this oppressive winter  that has set in. Why does winter have to be so long!
Further more my freezing little box that I call my apartment makes me want to retreat under a big doona.  So many a night lately, instead of sitting in front of the computer screen trying to tap out a post, I opt for my cozy and warm bed. {I am sure most of my ideas go on hibernation too!)

To be honest though, my absence is mostly due to the fog of another year being a single mama gently  lifting.  The haze that was my breakup is getting further and further in our past and I feel it getting lighter  everyday.
I see my life and dreams moving forward. Healing, growing, evolving.  I celebrate this each and every day. I have to, there is no point trying to judge or  feel guilty for all the water thats travelled under the bridge!  I have to smile. It did take me  quite a while to get here and to see things like that!

Yet the quietness that surrounds me in June is my hearts way of saying it is ok to take it it slow this month, to take stock and reflect on the journey to date.
The enormity of  everything  didn't register back then, Back then it was all about survival. Not to sit around lamenting.  I had an almost 3 year old to look after and he reminded me daily that I was on the right path.  It was a hard path, but it was worth taking. He still does remind me everyday as he grows up and I see his beautiful little soul flourish.

I have also been  quiet as I have been pondering whether it's time to start something new, give up this little blog. Maybe it's served it's purpose in the grieving process.  Maybe it is time to start afresh. Something lively, something passionate, something that serves my personality as it is now, not as it was back then.

But what?  I'm not even sure I can answer that question! And when I think about what I really want to do, that little seed of self doubt plants itself and I put the idea aside.  I make excuses and tell myself things that I know I shouldn't. That I am hopeless, and talentless, and can't write, I have nothing to offer.  Luckily though I am not listening to that little voice anymore, I am choosing to ignore it.  All it does is fuel me more to prove it wrong.  {Oh what funny games we play with our own heads!}

Anyway I'm not sure what I'm going to do as yet, I'm sure that answer will come to me. My brain is constantly thinking and thinking, and whenever an idea pops up, I am jotting them down (even if its at 2.00am!) These ideas could lead me down an exciting  path, who knows.

Maybe in the springtime, when the sun comes out, my ideas will come to blossom ...... 

Dreams....

Dreams are a pretty funny thing aren't they? What do they really mean? 

All I know is I  have been having alot of them lately, some saved for when I am sleeping, but mostly they have occurred in my waking hours.  I suppose you can call this daydreaming!  Yes, I am the biggest of daydreamers.  I know I can get totally lost in my thoughts, visions, goals. I completely lose myself in them.

I dream about many things, how I would like to live my life, the jobs I imagine doing. The twists and turns I want my career to take, the learning I am yearning to do, and the paths I need to take to get there. 

I dream about a future partner, no one in particular, just an idea of what life might be like. 

I love how my dreams manifest into positive thoughts, that seem to spiral into my living, breathing daily life.   I am just hoping that I what I have going on in my head will eventually happen in my real world. 

I am sure they all will, I just have to be patient, ride the waves and work hard at making these dreams of mine a reality.